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Faaloun's Writings
10.22.02, 17:00:31
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Post #1 (permalink) |
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Okay...
Here's my writing thread... kinda cool...
Um...
Kinda self-conscious about my writing... Just asking that you don't be jerks about it.
Alright here's my first thingy majig...
I’ve been walking a long time. Walking the line that has been laid out before me. The dust on my shoes will vouch for this. One day, a fateful day for me, I reached the edge. A giant chasm stretched out before me, no end to it in sight, and so deep that I could not see the bottom, even if it had not been filled with darkness.
It was to far for me to jump across, and even if it had not been, the darkness scared me. So I looked to my right, and I saw nothing that would help me cross. Shaking my head in despair I looked to my left, again I see nothing of use.
I turn back to the chasm, and the darkness within, as it always has, calls out to me, “Come to me, and I will give you release. Come to me, and I will end the pain.” Unsure of how to answer, I greet its beckons with silence. I want the release, I want to end the pain, but how can I trust what I don’t understand?
I look over my shoulder, to the way I have come. Surely there is an answer there. There has to be an answer there. There has to be one somewhere.
I see no answer in where I’ve come from, though. All that I see behind me is people; people fighting, people screaming, people calling out for god while they step on top of each other, trying to reach the peak. And all are unaware of the danger they approach, as they push closer and closer to the canyon.
The Promiser of an End rises up from the abyss, straining with all it’s might to reach the people.
I call a warning to them, but it is swallowed up by their collective outcry of pain. They keep pushing forward, closer to the end. They keep pushing me back, putting me up against the sheer edges of the cliff. I call out again with all my strength and still their din overwhelms my warning.
I give up, now; I can’t fight it anymore. I stare into the darkness before me, the evil I can’t comprehend. Behind me swirls my past, the evil I’ve met.
I continue stare into darkness, and in my mind, my mistakes taunt me. Closer and closer the people behind me come, closer and closer to pushing me off the ledge.
The darkness beckoned me again, louder now, “Come to me, and I will give you release! Come to me, and I will end the pain! COME TO ME!!!” Then it lashed out from the rupture in the Earth that was it’s home and so it wrapped its dark tendrils about my body.
I could have fought them, broken the bond of those vile tentacles. If I had wanted to. Instead I turned and called over my shoulder for the final time. As my cry farewell was swallowed up by their self-centeredness, I leapt into the evil unknown.
As I fell I prayed to myself that it would be lesser than the evil known. Praying for the sweet release the darkness had promised. Waiting for the end.
Hehe... one of the deeper things I've written...
Here are the symbols as they stand:
The Chasm: A struggle or confrontation in life
The Darkness: This is hopefully an easy one, death
The People Behind: The Characters past
The Leap: Suicide
Definitely looking for feed back with this one...
Thanks, Faaloun |
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Hey, I', also currently writing a novel...
If anyone's curious leave a post...
Also, guess what the main characters name is... hehe...
-Faaloun |
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| Sounds great Faaloun. Just as a little reminder...just try not to double post at all. If you have something to add...wait until somebody else posts or edit your previous post and add what you want to say. Nice writing! |
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Very nice work. I hope to see more from you.  *donates RP* |
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QUOTE OF THE MOMENT:
Quote:
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Quoth Lennon Legend:
Moral of the story girls; put out.
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Here's a chunk of the prologue from my book, have fun with it.
A History of Terra, By: Tuomain
In a time so long gone that none were born to remember, the Sun and Moon felt a burning lust for one another. Wishing to consummate their desires, they turned to the Stars for their blessing of a child. The Stars denied their wish, though. They saw the Sun and Moon’s lust for the short-termed feelings that they were. The Sun and the Moon, however, continued their petitions of the Stars with their request. Finally the Stars believed their proclamations of undying love and gave them a child, Terra.
The Sun and Moon were happy, but then their false love failed. Their love quickly turned to animosity and hate, and then it escalated to open conflict. To the Stars’ great dismay they made Terra the center of their war.
The Stars wept bitterly, their great gift was being horrendously misused and abused, and they felt Terra’s pain and confusion. Seeking to fix their mistake they gave another gift, to Terra. They gave her defenders strong enough to keep the Sun and Moon from fighting their petty squabbles on Terra; they gave her the Mages.
Thus a great time of peace was brought to Terra, for soon the Sun and Moon knew the powers the Mages wielded and dared not to take they’re conflict there. Peace and prosperity wrapped the landing and using the aspects of Terra the mages creaeted marvels that could only be dreamed of to date. The lack of a threat from the Sun and Moon however proved a disaster, with no external threat to focus onthey turned on each other. For there were three great Mages in this time, Mai’Bon, Mai’tel, and Mai’Mal, and ar broke out between Mai’Bon and Mai’Mal. The Mages split, siding with one or the other, both sides beckoning for Mai’Tel to join their war.
Mai’Tel’s concern was not with the ordeals of the Mages, though. It sought to fulfil its original purpose, to defend Terra. Then war broke forth and in oe massive battle all but the Three were destroyed. The three wept and cried out, ‘Oh! What destruction we have brought upon ourselves. Oh! Stars in the Night Sky! Hear our, cries never again shall this happen.’ The animosity between the two could not be stopped, the Mages needed a new way to fight their war.
Rough draft so don't scream at me about the punctuation errors, I just caught two in the same sentence. |
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Wow you're going to write a whole book. I think I'd kill myself before writing on a single story.
Anyways I'm very ancious to read more. You are a very vision provoking writer. keep it up. |
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Alrighty. Thanks for all the replies, esecially your donation Winter Night. Very appreciated. Here's the next chunk of my prologue, I'd give you all of it but I cannot fit it.
After that I'll stick chapter one on here. Stay tuned in.
Hylon looked down the cave. It was a dank place and it smelled of death in his opinion. "We’re going down there?"
"I don’t think we have much of a choice," Marner answered. His height still struck Hylon sometimes. He couldn’t believe that his friend was an angel, or at least he couldn’t think of him that way.
Hylon walked over to Indoun, "Hey, man. Come on, time to get up on your feet."
Indoun looked up at him, his blank stare still disconcerted Hylon. "I want to see Quinn…" Indoun muttered turning his face back to the ground. "He has to be at least three by now… Let’s leave Hylon, there’s no point. Let’s go home, I know you want to see Loren and Faaloun. He’s got to be three now, too… I want to go home."
"Come on, Indoun." Hylon said pulling him up to look him in the eye. "You don’t want to quit now do you? Do you really want Czak to have died for nothing?"
"I could’ve saved him…" Indoun muttered to himself shaking. "If I’d just paid attention…"
Hylon shook Indoun with enough force for his head to roll about. "Czak’s death was no ones fault! You got that! We all knew what we were getting into when we started this. And we all knew that it was unlikely that any of us would survive that battle. It was nobody’s fault!" The image of a little girl with blue eyes and brown hair flashed through his mind. Eylana… I’m sorry. He apologized to the girl that would never truly know her father.
"Let’s get going," Marner said as he strolled up and placed a hand on each shoulder. "The sooner we get this done the quicker we can return to our families."
"Right," Hylon agreed. They all turned to the cave and a wave of shivers ran through Hylon. It still smelt of death to him.
The cave slowly slanted steeper and steeper until it got to the point where they couldn’t go further without sliding down the grade.
"What now?" Hylon asked as he stretched out over the hole, trying to see the bottom of the cave.
"It is wide enough," Marner answered and from his back leapt two pure white, feathered wings. "I will be back in a second."
"He needs to stop doing that." Hylon muttered to himself about those wings simply appearing, it was so disconcerting.
"He does," Indoun agreed.
Hylon turned to stare at him; Czak’s death had shaken him to the point that Hylon believed the only thing keeping the man sane was his flask, which he quickly produced and took a long draw from it. Indoun… Just a bit longer buddy. We’re almost ready to go home. Heaven, do I want to see Faaloun and Loren again, though. That’s it, stop thinking. Focus, first thing’s first, reset Terra.
Hylon reminisced of the meeting the last meeting they had had with the Mage.
"The time will come when all that will save you from Terra is your own concentration. If your thoughts stray but a little you will be lost to yourself and all will be in Terra’s possession, save your mind." The Mage said as he strolled about the room. "And we cannot afford you all to fail. The world cannot." It seemed that he was talking to himself now rather than to anyone else in the room. "Already in great danger is the Trip, Czak’s death truly was a great loss…"
"What do you mean by, concentration?" Hylon asked interrupting the Mage.
"What? Oh, yes. In this domain, your thoughts of yourself will define your reality, that deep in its power if you are not strong of mind it will rip your power away from you, change you, that is why it is so important to be of one mind about the world."
Marner reappeared then, hovering in front of them, "It goes down for about twenty feet then it reaches a… Portal."
"Portal?" Hylon asked.
"That’s the only way I can describe it. It sits their, shimmering, I think we will have to go through it."
"Great, my favorite, a leap of faith. Well… Why flaming not!?" Hylon then leapt into the hole of the cave.
"Way to impulsive," Marner said as he let his wings disappear and followed Hylon down, dragging Indoun with him. |
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The plot is starting to get real interesting. But I can't really picture the character from my imagination.. This is really good but I think that you might want to go into the characters a bit..
Anyway's I enfoyed this piece keep writing |
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Hylon landed and rolled looking around, Strength of mind, the Mage’s voice echoed in his head, “Right, strength of mind.” He stood up and looked around, it was, not what he had expected. It was, beautiful. A golden sun burned high in a cloudless blue sky, wind rustled green blades of grass like a never-ending ocean on this great plain.
“Uhn…” Hylon turned and saw Marner and Indoun make quite ungraceful landings. Hylon spun around looking for the portal they had come through, there was no sign of it.
“Where are we?” Marner asked as he looked around. “This… isn’t was I was expecting.”
“Me neither, but I think we should be more concerned with how we’re going to get out of here; I can’t see anything like our portal anywhere.”
“Our first concern should be our minds and Terra.”
“What good will it do if we defeat Terra and can’t get out of here?”
“A lot of good for the world,” Marner replied.
Indoun finally rose from the ground after a long draw from his flask, “Easy, that way to Terra,” he said pointing forward, “that way to go home,” he added pointing left.
“How do you know that?” Hylon and Marner asked as one.
“You cannot see the paths?” Indoun asked of them
“‘In this domain, your thoughts will define your reality’, the Mage wasn’t screwing around when he said that.” Hylon answered both. “I think Indoun has the strongest mind right now.”
“How very flaming ironic,” Indoun said as he started to walk down the path to Terra. “If you insist on doing this, let’s go!”
“This is nuts! How much longer! I don’t think I can take another step!” Then suddenly Hylon’s legs changed from sore muscle to water and he simply collapsed.
“Hahaha!” Marner laughed at Hylon, “Thought defines reality. Think that you can walk forever, and here you can.”
Hylon pictured himself walking forever and felt the strength returning to his legs. “I don’t think I’ll ever get the hang of this.”
“You really need to watch what you think here,” Marner said.
“Are either of you thinking that we’ll never get to Terra? Because when I first saw the path we should have been there by now.” Indoun then took another draw from his flask, which he tucked back away in his coat.
“That raises an interesting point. What if we thought ourselves their?” Marner asked more of himself than to everyone else.
“Do you think it would work?” Hylon asked.
“From what I made out from the Mage our mind has power over everything except another sentient being.”
“So we could do it?’
“Let’s do it already,” Indoun said, he was near drunk, and his newfound temper was getting the best of him. “Let’s finish this flaming hell appointed task… Let’s go home…” Then he began to weep softly, through his sobs Hylon could make out, “I’m so sorry, Czak… I… I’ll see that Eylana gets a good home. I promise.”
“We should wait till he’s sober before we do this.”
“Yes,” Marner agreed, “but he’ll never get sober as long as that flask is full.” | | | |
