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[P] Phyxius' Poetry
10.16.02, 21:14:15
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Post #1 (permalink) |
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Well, I have two poetry threads in this forum and I can't post in them because NOBODY has responded to them. Soooo...I've been searching for somebody to review my poems and tell me what they think about them. I guess I'll start out with the one I just wrote.
An Angel’s Touch
A blade in hand, glistening with the blood and tears of his victims
He rises with arrogance tainting his perfect smile, despise in his eyes
The world below him fills him with contempt, their inferiority boiling rage within
Hair, blinding white, reflects the brutal rays of sunlight and reflect them to the ground
Clouds fade to black at his touch and rain batters the earth, turning to blood on impact
Destruction strikes clear among the drifting thoughts his mind holds
His only want is to see them fall to their knees, their claws ripping at their faces
Their wailing softened by the roar of thunder he sends barreling towards them
His cloak contrasts personality, with a cloth smoother than innocence and brighter than hope
Although dark, corruption has not touched him, his darkness is orderly and controlled
Chaos is for the foolish and uncontrolled emotion for the ignorant
His face shifts not as deep red blood dots his face, and his sword destroys the unworthy
Pain is his sustenance, agony feeds him and his hunger refuses to be satisfied
Thousands fall in front of him, heaped as mounds of refuse and left to face the storm
His torrent rips the sky, and the sun abandons the world for a moment, shadows invade the air
With excruciatingly delayed descent, the shadows drop, those left upon the ground pray for salvation
His blade is sheathed, his back turned to their pleas and offers, for he finds them sickening
As death greets the population with chilling contact and the breath of millions carries sorrowful whispering
He tears across the stars, a meteor unnoticed by the endless numbers of pitiful civilizations
That have no knowledge and no forewarning of his coming arrival at their homes too |
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Last edited by Phyxius : 11.05.02 at 19:04:35.
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| I think I'd like the job!! The way you write is quite good. Very descriptive both visually and emotionally. No spelling mistakes that I can see. I quite enjoy it. 9/10 |
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QUOTE OF THE MOMENT:
Quote:
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Quoth Lennon Legend:
Moral of the story girls; put out.
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I think it's okay for you to post in your own thread multiple times if you wish to post new poetry but nobody has replied in a while. It'll be better than just making new threads again. Just in your thread though, nowhere else mind you 
I like it a lot, great job Phyxius! 
A poet's work is his or her own, nobody else should edit it or whatever IMHO |
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WoW@Skullcrusher.
Vyx- 60 Undead rogue.
Elsha- 60 Undead priest, RIP.
Berdine- 60 Troll warrior, RIP.
Clicky. The twist <3.
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| OK! I guess I'll just rename this thread (that is...if there is a way to) and have it be my new poetry spot. Heh. Editor was the wrong word. I just would appreciate input on my poetry, good or bad. So, if you would like to do that Winter, and anybody else who finds it interesting, I'd really appreciate it. Gradually, my poems should get better and better. I've been in a sort of writing slump lately and I'm hoping to get out of it soon. I'll post more stuff later. |
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| I'll give my input on yours if you give your input on mine. |
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It's a deal Winter! Well, maybe I'm overly critical but I think this poem is horrible. Tell me what ya think.
Overthrowing Sanity
Infiltration of an unknown virus
Has initiated the dark of impending doom
Corrupting the soul and twisting logic
It rips layers of sanity from the defenseless mind
Raging within the heart of it's victim
The metamorphosis begins it's sickening process
A man, once pure, is defiled by this beast, feeding on those around him
A horror thrives in the depths of the host's wicked thoughts
Decay destroys the pillars of reason that uphold sensibility
The last shred of humanity is vanquished, atrocities soon to come
As a toxin of cancerous decomposition
He commits deeds that defy all theories of innocence
The virus breathes, sustaining life through malicious acts
Eyes dripping tears of blood, claws tearing gaps in reality
It spawns, the cycle repeats and death prevails
Good waves a surrendering banner, yet is eaten by it's fellows infected |
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Re: [P] Editor Wanted
10.19.02, 00:03:37
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Post #7 (permalink) |
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Quote:
Originally posted by Phyxius
Clouds fade to black at his touch and rain batters the earth,
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I absolutely love that line |
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| Wow that's not horrible at all, it's great! I like it a lot. The ending could be a little better, somewhat abrupt, but still excellent overall |
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| I agree, it is not horrible at all. The ending does stop quite abruptly, but otherwise I like it. You are quite talented. |
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