[P] Phyxius's poetry - Final Fantasy Republic Forums

		Final Fantasy Republic Forums
		Fine Arts and Debate
		Republic Harbor
		[P] Phyxius's poetry

LinkBack

Thread Tools

Display Modes

Phyxius

---

Posts: 1,731

Reg: Sep 05 2002

ID: 2109

RP: 2370

	-
	--
	---
	----

Newbie With A Poetry Thread...scary!
09.08.02, 01:12:01

Post #1 (permalink)

This is mainly a thread for self-gratification...heh...I wanna know exactly what people think of my poetry...heart-stopping good or vomit-inducing bad...well, here goes one of em!

Was it the hope of a dream received or the
fear
of a dream forgotten
was it the chance to go where you pleased
or the indecision of your heart
was it the will that pushed you through or the
reluctant pull of pressure
was it you who chose your path or the
others whispering your dreams forgotten
are you where you are because of things done or the
failure of things that could have been
are you a success in a career unwanted or
a failure in the dream occupation
were you right
or wrong
was it hope or
fear
that made you move

Heh...by the way, I'm a guy soooo...poetry's a lil hard for me...ya know...gotta get past that whole tough guy thing first...hope ya liked it...if not go ahead and say so! Thanx!

______________________________________

--

Last edited by Phyxius : 09.08.02 at 12:35:18.

Gadwinus

FFR's Poet

Posts: 1,998

Reg: Mar 02 2002

ID: 181

RP: 0

	Final fantasy 9
	AFI
	Happy gilmore
	None

09.08.02, 08:11:45

Post #2 (permalink)

hey not bad. And im a guy too. I guess poetry just comes easy for some of us. hehe. oh and i changed the name of your thread. Its easier to see whats what that way.

KensukiShooter

Omnishot

Posts: 961

Reg: Jun 29 2002

ID: 1363

RP: 0

	Too many
	Crystal Method
	Too Many
	Too many
	PS2

09.08.02, 10:48:00

Post #3 (permalink)

Nice poem Phyxius, its possible to write poetry and maintain a tough image as a guy...I'm a living example

j/k

______________________________________

"Some things are never left finished...other times you just gotta finish them yourself"

Send a message via AIM to KensukiShooter

Phyxius

---

Posts: 1,731

Reg: Sep 05 2002

ID: 2109

RP: 2370

	-
	--
	---
	----

09.08.02, 12:32:21

Post #4 (permalink)

Heh...thanx guys...also, thanks to Gadwinus for the thread change...probly will get more hits that way! Anyways, I'll probly post some more of my stuff later on. Hafta figure out which of em are at least praise-worthy!

Jha'Meia

Shinra Observer

Posts: 230

Reg: Mar 22 2002

ID: 333

RP: 0

09.09.02, 08:40:58

Post #5 (permalink)

MmmMmm..... gender has very little to do with true poetry. One of my best critics is a male, and some of the best poets I know of are males.

But to your piece:

The cutting off of the line such as this:

Quote:

Was it the hope of a dream received or the
fear

Sorry, it doesn't work for me. It almost totally distracts me from your train of thought. I've seen several people use a style like this, so I'm not saying it's bad, since to each his own, just that it doesn't work for me.

However, the message in your piece is actually something that touches into the human psyche. It has up a very good theme that is nicely consistently addressed in the piece.

Good work, and don't let your anatomy stop you from writing more.

______________________________________

This message has been brought to you by a moderator from FFR's affiliate site, ShinraOnline.

Hi.

Siniquity

Je T'aime

Posts: 2,331

Reg: May 21 2002

ID: 919

RP: 0

	Fancy Ladies (FFX-2)
	Fiona, Britney, Portis
	CTHD, A-Beauty, Kill Bill
	Perks -being- Wallflower
	Playstation2

09.09.02, 17:14:39

Post #6 (permalink)

Thats a really great poem Phyx

______________________________________

Phyxius

---

Posts: 1,731

Reg: Sep 05 2002

ID: 2109

RP: 2370

	-
	--
	---
	----

09.09.02, 20:32:14

Post #7 (permalink)

Thanks for the input evrybody! Jha'Meia...I'm gonna keep this poem how it is (not sure why...it's just that I wrote it about a year ago and am reluctant to change) but next time I write a poem with a similar format I'll remember to think more about the distraction that too many breaks can create! Thanks!

Jha'Meia

Shinra Observer

Posts: 230

Reg: Mar 22 2002

ID: 333

RP: 0

09.10.02, 03:23:05

Post #8 (permalink)

S'okay, hon. =) Personal preferences should come first and foremost before any other critic's. Especially when it's an old, dear piece -- if you like it the way it is, don't change it for the world!

Phyxius

---

Posts: 1,731

Reg: Sep 05 2002

ID: 2109

RP: 2370

	-
	--
	---
	----

09.10.02, 21:15:51

Post #9 (permalink)

This poem just came to me right now...I'm in a really down sort of mood so...please tell me what you think about it, but keep in mind that this is not to impress anyone...it's just to get it off.

Freeze Frame

As I sit in a crowded room with nobody around me
I wonder what it would be like to just stop
To throw away all reputations or barriers holding back
And let loose this wretched feeling

As I gasp in pain non-physical
My hands and knees on cold unfeeling ground
I tear thoughts from my mind and hurl them at those who laugh
And their thoughts stop for a moment and they see

As I gaze into their knowing eyes I burst into a smile
Finally someone aches in synchronization with my crying heart
And tears flow as they apologize for things they'd kill to erase
I stop and find peace in a world that seeks destruction

This daydream ends and the world floods back
And I live each day through with an empty soul
Nobody to share with and no love to hold
And I ask for it to stop

Phyxius

---

Posts: 1,731

Reg: Sep 05 2002

ID: 2109

RP: 2370

	-
	--
	---
	----

09.11.02, 22:25:56

Post #10 (permalink)

Was really ticked off at a few things today and came up with this...once agin...not meant to be a well-written poem...just a venting.

Contempt

Jack of all trades
Master of none
For all that I do
There's always that

ONE

who leaves me behind
the perfect trail of dust
leaving me choking
wondering if i can

LAST

Time we talked
You watched him
With the more attentive eye
I'm not worthy of this

TIME

flows and pulls me in the undertow
leaving me gasping for air
only you can provide
you should have known

BEFORE

We were closest friends
Bonds unbreakable
All secrets told
And now You have Them and I have

I

cannot withstand the burden
you've placed on me with pleasure
a delicate word strategically placed
to pierce my soul may cause me to

BREAK

it all
I hope you fall
and lose everything
You've stolen from me
shattered wretch
Pitiful beggar
i'll leave you
Knowing your fate
and molding mine

Heh...that probably makes no sense to any of you out there...too much of it is tied to personal events to comprehend much. Sorry! But here's one that should be understandable. And one of my favorites...not for style but for meaning. Hope ya like!

Wants

I want to lie my back on a signpost atop a towering skyscraper
Look upon the world with a knowing smile
Let the breeze brush my hair and travel on to better places
Watch as people forget that the only title we are bound to is human

I want to sit in a field and forget the complications that are a side effect of living
Watch children run and weep for the death of innocence
Erase every wrong I have created and better any good I have done
Apologize to myself for not forgiving others
Remembering that I made the same mistakes

I want to stand in the middle of a bustling intersection and cry out
Against the horrid things we do to ourselves
Against the pain we ignore and pass on as routine
Against the hatred we show out of lack of patience and understanding

I want to rise above the clouds and show the way to others
Correct their crises
Mend their deepest wounds
Hold them as they sob
Leave them be when the world betrays them
Remind them that there has got to be something better
Hold on to existence
It may prove worthwhile

I'll post some others later...too tired right now...reme