CRASH!” the sound of broken glass filled Crimson’s house. “What the hell was that” Crimson said to himself as he hopped out of bed to grab his trusty sword. Crimson bolted towards his kitchen with his Sword drawn to see a man in a long black cape holding what looked to be a Magic Rod type weapon. “What the hell are you doing in my house!” Crimson belted. “Shhhhh, You are the one. You will be chosen.” Said the man. Crimson looked in disbelief at the man and asked “What the hell are you babbiling about!” “You will see, You Will see.” A flash filled the room as Crimson awoke to a searing heat in his face as his homeown of Klik was burning down before his eyes. “ARGHHHH DAMMIT!” Crimson grabbed his sword and ran outside. “Bring it!!!” he yelled as three men in long capes approached him and all said together “This town is doomed, come here” the men waved crimson over. Crimson approached the men with all his defenses up. The three men pulled out their long swords as Crimson walked over. One man slashed Crimson across the face. Blood filled Crimsons eyes and fell onto his long dark sword. ”Arghh!” Just as Crimson fell to the floor the three men fell to the ground splurting blood all over the place as they fell. The shadow of a man with a long barreled gun formed about 20 feet behind where the men were once standing. “Uhh Who..Who are you?” Crimson asked as blood spilled from his face. “That’s a nasty cut you got there young’n, Me im Arliss. Who are you?” “My name is Crim..Crimson Strong.” “Wow those bastards really got you! Why didn’t you defend yourself!” Crimson could not even mutter a word as he passed out with blood soaking his sword and his body.
Chapter 2: Learning
“ Do you even know how to use that thing young’n cuz ya didn’t even try to get those men who gave ya that scar?” “Hell yeah beeyatch!” “Ok lemme see how good ya are there sonny.” “That sounds like a challenge there Arliss. Well than Don’t sing it BRING IT!” Crimson sheathed his sword and ran towards Arliss full of anger. Arliss drew is sword and took one step to the left and tripped crimson and held his sword to Crimson’s neck ”You need some learning.” “Shut up!” Crimson yelled. “Now where’d u get that sword young’n?” “I don’t know, One day I woke up in my so-called hometown of Kilk with this sword and the clothes on my back.” “Hmmm.” “What Arliss?” “Oh nothing. Now I’m going to school your young ass so be ready.”
The sound of swords clashing filled the air around Arliss’ house. “Wow Crimson you’ve learned much I think your done with your training.” “Really?! Damn that went fast.” Just as crimson put away his trusty sword a gang of young men came approaching Arliss. “Hey dirtbag! Gimme your damn gil *****!” the leader of the 3 men said. “Here have it its only 100.” “Your holding out!!!” the leader whipped out his daggers and slashed Arliss about ten maybe eleven times. As Arliss fell to the ground, Crimson’s eyes filled with bloodthirsty anger and rage. “Leave him alone” Crimson said in a lowly voice trying to restrain his anger. “No, and what are YOU gonna do about it?” the gang said together. “Okay you have forced me to use this” Crimson whipped his sword out and pointed it at the leader as he drew his daggers. A flash of white appeared and all three men fell to the ground in anguish. ”How…How’d u do that?” “Be quiet and never come around here again!” Crimson yelled. The three men ran away crying quietly.
Arliss arose and walked over towards Crimson “Very good you have graduated this school.” “Thanks Arliss, Thanks A lot”
Chapter 3: The Journey Begins.
“Where you going Crim?” asked Arliss. “Im going to find out what all that has happened to me is all about.” Stated Crimson. “Okay if you need my help don’t be afraid to ask.” Said Arliss. “Okay I wont.”
Crimson walked through the dense forest for what seemed like miles until he reached a small border town called Rearing. “Wow this town is SMALL.” Said crimson. “Yeah and boring too” Crimson looked around to see who said that and he saw a young man leaning on a fence with what looked like to be a sword. “Who are you outsider” asked the man. “Im Crimson Strong who are you?” “Well my name is Falcon, Falcon Bliss.” “Where’d you get that sword Falcon?” asked Crimson in disbelief. “ I earned it from the Swordsman school in Lupu, I finished top in my class.” Said Falcon. “Well what are you doin, around here.” Asked Falcon. “Uh Im trying to find out who burnt down my hometown” said Crimson. “Well I’m really fricken bored and you look like you might need some help so ill come along.” Falcon stated. “Alright you can come” said Crimson in disbelief. “Fire! Fire! Help!” a old man yelled. Around twenty men in black cloaks were loitered all over the town destroying buildings in a frenzy. “****! Yo Crimson! Get ya ass over here!” One of the men charged Falcon and Crimson with his sword drawn “ We cannot let you pass, you cannot be chosen” the man said. “Lets take these guys out!”
Crimson and Falcon drew their swords and pointed the blade at the man. “Don’t sing it! BRING IT!” yelled Crimson. Crimson charged the man and front-flipped over him and slashed his cloak off as he flipped. Crimson and Falcon stared in surprise as the man in the cloaks face was revealed. “Holy ****! RUN” yelled Falcon. Crimson and Falcon darted out of Rearing towards the Capital Lupu. “ What the hell did you tell me to run for!” yelled Crimson. “That was unbeatable I know, don’t ask any more questions, we’re heading for Lupu the king said he has something for me.” Said Falcon. Crimson and Falcon walked through the Northern Forest towards Lupu. As the two men approached the town gate Falcon said “Alright buddy lets head to see King Lupu.” “Okay why not?” said Crimson. Both men walked through the busy streets filled with laughter and happiness. As they reached the castle the two guards cut them off “You may not enter” one of the guards said “But its me Sikkzu.” Said Falcon. “NO NOW LEAVE!” Sikkzu yelled. “Hmm whats that all about im always allowed in, something smells fishy” said Falcon. “Sorry I haven’t showered in a while.” Said Crimson. “No u idiot I mean something is going on in there and I don’t think its good.”
Chapter 4- Hells Pass
“Psst, okay lets go in” said Falcon. Crimson and Falcon walked out of the Lupu in to sneak into the castle. “Okay push this brick and jump down the hole Crimson.” “Okay.” Crimson pushed the brick and jumped straight into the dark hole “Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!” Crimson yelled as he fell down the hole. BANG! “Yo shut up Crim!” “Sorry Falcon” “Ouch I stepped on something” “SHUT UP!”
“Who..Whose in here” asked a man. “Okay guess no ones in here” the man said as he walked away. “Phew that was close, Eh falcon?” “Yeah it was Crim, Now lets go.” Crimson and Falcon crept down the hallway until they reached the throne room. “King, he is here the chosen one” said a man. “He is!? Okay well he’ll be dead before he leaves. Whats his name?” said another man. “Dude that sounds like the king” said Falcon. “His name is Crimson Strong.” “WHAT!” crimson yelled. “What the hell was that?” said the king. “Okay you leave now! Sikkzu go kill whoever is out there.” “Okay Sir.” Sikkuz walked out into the hallway and said “Falcon what are you doing here!?” “Whats he talking about?” said falcon. “Just get out here you too Crimson!” “How’d you know my name?!” “JUST GO NOW!” Falcon and Crimson ran through the castle, out the front door, hopped the wall and ran out the town gates not looking back. “Oh my god that was effen crazy Falcon!” “Yeah I know but we have no time to talk we need to go now, the king will be sending knights after us any second head this way towards Longview I need to do something.” Falcon said “Okay Falcon seeya in the future” “JUST GO NOW!” Crimson ran as fast as he could in the direction Falcon pointed him to until he reached a town. “Excuse me Sir but whats the name of this town?” Crimson asked a old man. “Longview and what are you doing here outsider, Hey wait I know who u are! HELP HELP HELP I SEE THE MURDERER!!” the man yelled. About four police officers grabbed Crimson and took him to the Jail. “You’ll be here for a while *****.” Said the guard proudly. “Dammit I didn’t murder anyone why am I in jail!” “Hey kid I know how you feel I was framed for murder also, the names Gilgamesh, whats yours?” “Crimson Strong, tonite I’m bustin’ out of this hell hole!” “Heh good luck trying.” Crimson took a rest on the hard wet Jail bed and fell asleep. “We need you, We need you! Help chosen one help us!”
Crimson woke up at about 12am and decided on ways tot break out. “Hmm lets see Oh I know! Ill call the guard over and pretend to be dead and when he walks in ill kill his ass!” “Hey kid I’m coming with you, Ill call the guard over you fake your death now.” “Guard Guard he’s dead!” The guard ran over and unlocked the cell “Oh my lord I’m going to get fired!” “No your not going to get fired” Gilgamesh Stated. “Your going to get sliced!” Gilgamesh pulled out his sword and sliced the guard with one swift blow “Okay Kid lets go” Both men ran out the front of the cell and towards the jail exit.
While I did not have enough time to throughly analyze it, you are a very dark writer. Dwindling on the mysteries of life that the ordinary person only dreams of. Using that skill can be a key to creative writing, you seem to have unlocked it. You characters are strong, and you support them with small histories. One think however...as an exercise. You may want to try sometime. Write about a holy story, something about the only good parts of life. Let's say an exact opposite of what you wrote...it's harder than you think.
i like the story but watch out for some grammical errors which can make the reading less fun. like using double and .... and .... is something that isnt pleasent reading. just to help you out I like the story though maybe you should make the chapters somewhat longer is it supposed to be such a short story?
I like the story though maybe you should make the chapters somewhat longer is it supposed to be such a short story?
Linear Mode
