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[FF] Ravenf6's RK Whose Line Fic.
05.29.04, 21:51:06
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Post #1 (permalink) |
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A quick note from the poster:
I have originally tried to find my old thread for fanfiction to put up my latest fanfic, but in light of the new changes, I have decided to put create new threads to put them in rather than go through the trouble of systematically searching for it. To cut the long story short, if you have read my Kamiya Dojo Insomniacs fic, do not worry. For you shall see it again in the near future.
In the mean time though, this fic was something I cooked up about a year ago but have not been able to put it up here at the FFR because of the restructing. Since then, I've put this up at www.fanfiction.net and have so far met with good results
At last, I believe the time has come to share this fic with members and visitors here.
Whether you like Whose Line is it Anyway, Ruroni Kenshin, a good laugh. I hope that you will enjoy this delightful comedy of errors. It will be a great pleasure for me to finally post this fic here at the FF Republic.
-Ravenf6
Disclaimer: I don't own Ruroni Kenshin and its characters or Whose Line is it, Anyway. Tonight's host, though, I do own so no funny business.
Ravenf6's RK Whose Line is it Anyway? fic
RK/Whose Line #1: Kenshin, Kaoru, Yahiko, Sanosuke
Host: Juno the apprentice
Juno: Good evening everyone, and welcome to “Whose Line is it Anyway?”. On tonight’s show….
He’s Doctor Jekell & Mr. Hyde, Kenshin Himura!
Off with their heads! Kaoru Kamiya!
You can’t make an omelet without breaking a few Yahiko Miyojin!
And do you feel lucky, punk? Sanouske Sagara!
Hey, I’m your host, Juno. So let’s go down and have some fun!
*Audience applauds*
Juno: Welcome to “Whose Line is it Anyway”. The show where everything is made up, and the points don’t matter. Just like lawyers to the Heartless. If you’ve just crawled out of a cave and started watching this show, what happens is that these four guys are gonna act out all sorts of scenes and I award them fakey points, which don’t mean squat. At the end of the show we pick a winner, who gets to do something special with me. While the losers have to endure the “shoulder dodge into groin kick.”
(Audience groans while Yahiko grins wickedly).
Aside from that, I’d like to thank all our guests for being here tonight. We’ve got a lot of show for you, so let’s start with a game called “News Flash”. This is for Kenshin, Sanouske, and Yahiko. What happens is that Kenshin is covering a live story on the green screen, and he has to try and figure out what’s behind him with hints from Yahiko and Sano.
Kenshin: This isn’t a green screen at all. It’s blue, that it is.
Everyone snickers
Juno: …..Yeah. Whenever you’re ready, let’s start the scene.
Yahiko: ..so that bald Canadian struck it rich, huh?
Audience laughs
Sano: Yeah. Oh, we interrupt this program for a special news bulletin. We have our award winning reporter, Kenshin on the scene. How are you doing out there?
The scene depicts bits from the show in which Kenshin gets the crap beat out of him by Kaoru and co. The audience roars with laughter.
Kenshin: What?
Sano: Kenshin, what’s going on out there?
Kenshin; (Looks at blue screen) I’ve no idea but it’s madness, I can tell you that much.
Yahiko: What a nightmare! Kenshin, how did this start?
Kenshin: ….It all started with a can of itching powder (Audience laughs) then this exploded into pandemonium!
Yahiko: Ouch! Kenshin, I fear for your safety. Are sure you’re okay?
Blue screen shows Kenshin get the royal crowning treatment from Kaoru when Megumi first flirts with him at the dojo. Loud laughter explodes
Kenshin: (Looks behind him)…Yes. Thankfully.
Sano: Ooh, that looks painful just watching. What have you done to protect yourself out there?
Kenshin:….um…tinfoil. Lots and lots of tinfoil.
Audience laughter intensifies, Juno is howling in delight.
Sano: How can you just stand by and let this happen?
Kenshin: Oro… I really don’t know, but it looks like it hurts, doesn’t it.
Yahiko: This is a sight too gruesome to experience over and over, Kenshin. What advice do you have for the public in this situation?
Kenshin: (sweatdrops) …. Run! Run for your lives!!
Bzzzt!
Juno: (Wipes away tears, trying to contain himself) Ha, ha. Alright, Kenshin, “sniff” what’s the story?
Kenshin: (blushes)…..I hope it’s not what I think it is.
Juno: What?
Kenshin: All the times Miss Kaoru gets upset with me.
Kaoru, Yahiko and Sano chuckle.
Juno: Close enough! (Kenshin returns to his seat, Kaoru tries to console him) 9000 points go to Kenshin for being such a good sport…and 6700 to everyone else. Now we go on to a game called “superheroes”. This is for all four of you. Starting with Kaoru. (Turns to the audience), we screw everyone up by giving them stupid superhero names, and what’s a good name for Kaoru the superhero?
Various audience members: Broccoli girl!
Noodle woman!
Mad Busu!
Audience laughs, but Kaoru starts towards the audience with a murderous look when Kenshin stops her.
Juno: Ouch. Mad Busu….. And what’s the crisis for Mad Busu?
Audience member: No more beauty products.
Juno: (winces) Ooh… no more beauty products. Kaoru, I’m really sorry about this. Whenever you’re ready, start the scene.
Kaoru: Hm. I wonder if I should go on that date, tonight? (Looks at an invisible mirror and makes a shattering sound. Audience laughs) Rats…. Hey, where’s all my beauty cream?! Oh my god! there’s no beauty products anywhere! I better use the Busu signal. (turns on a invisible signal light) I hope someone will come soon.
Sano: I got here as fast as I could- damn, are you ugly, missy…. and I’ve seen Picasso…
Audience laughs while Kaoru scowls.
Kaoru: (Sarcastically) It’s good that you’re here, Drunken Rooster Man.
Sano: (slurred) Wellrr I’ll just try n’ crowwwwwwwwww….but wr gonna need mor hep “hic” help. (waddles around the stage in a drunken stupor)
Yahiko comes in
Yahiko: Hey, did you notice your rooster’s drunk? And who did this to you??
Audience laughs.
Sano: (slurred) Looky herre, the Three Stooges Kid!
Yahiko: (As Moe) What do you think you’re doing, getting stewed? Look alive! (Gives Sano an eye poke) We got a job to do, feather duster head.
Kaoru: There are no beauty products left in the world!
Yahiko: (As Curly) No kidding? Is there a full moon out tonight? Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
Kaoru: (Slaps Yahiko) The only moon you’ll see is the one I’m gonna flip ya. Now what are we going to do about this crisis?
Yahiko: (Still Curly) Oh, wanna play hardball, eh? (Barks and snarls)
Kaoru: Okay, simmer down, bloodhound.
Kenshin’s turn
Kenshin: This looks like a big mess, that it does.
Yahiko: (As Larry) Oh thank goodness; it’s Mr. Uncle! There’s no more beauty products left in the world.
Kenshin: (As Uncle) Aiya! What are you three doing? Help Uncle research a solution! One more thing! You need to get your rooster fixed!! ( points to Sano who is crowing like a dead trumpet)
Yahiko: (Moe) Pick out two fingers.
Kenshin: (picks two fingers and gets an eye poke) Oh, you will pay for that! (Smacks Yahiko). We must sacrifice possessed little child! I will start at once! (Leaves, dragging Yahiko by his shirt)
Sano: (still slurred)Hmmm I gotta go wake the sunnnnnnn (raises a root to go forward but drops to the floor).
Kaoru: Well that’s the end of that crisis (Grabs her wooden sword). Now where’s the jerk who called me Mad Busu?!?!?!!!
Yahiko and Kenshin try desperately to hold back a raging Kaoru.
Kenshin: Now, now, Miss Kaoru. It’s only a show; you need to calm down, that you must.
Yahiko: Besides, you can wait ‘til it’s over to get him.
Sano: Nah, turn her loose, give this folks a real show.
*BZZT*
Juno: Okay, that’s the last time we let the audience choose a name for Karou. 57 points to everyone, and $500 to the guy who made the suggestion….use it for your funeral… Let’s go to a commercial break, stick around for more “Whose Line” when we get back.
ACT 2
Juno: Hey, welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway? The only game show where our guests may develop bloodlust against our viewers. By the way, if you’re asking about what happened earlier, it’s all under control.
Kaoru: Just as long as you keep your promise, I’m happy.
Juno: No worries there. Let’s move on with a game called “scenes from a hat” (produces a pointy steeple-crowned hat filled with little notes). This is for everyone. What happens is that before the show, we asked the audience to write suggestions for scenes they’d like to see acted out.
Yahiko goes with Sano while Kenshin and Kaoru pair up.
Juno: (Reaches into the hat and grabs a note) Now we’ll start with ….. “Things to say that would ruin a dinner party.”
Yahiko and Sano start off. Yahiko acts like he’s enjoying beef stew
Sano: Hey, did you know there’s an epidemic of Mad Cow Disease going around?
Yahiko clutches his mouth and runs off.
Kenshin: Miss Kaoru, did you improve your garbage cooking today?
Kaoru smacks Kenshin with a wooden sword and drags Kenshin off
Kenshin: (dazed) Ororo………..
Yahiko: This eyeball stew smells really…; it’s looking right at me!
Juno: “What Hajime Saitou does when no one is around”.
Sano looks around for a minute and puts a finger up his nose. Audience laughs.
Yahiko: Are my eyes really that shifty, ‘cause I wear contacts. Can’t see without ‘em.
Kaoru: (Acts like she’s doing the gatotsu, but messes up and slices her hand off) Just what I needed…I lose more hands that way.
Juno: What- (stifles a laugh) “What Kenshin Himura is thinking right now”.
Yahiko: Ooh, Miss Kaoru. I love you so much….
Everyone laughs while Kenshin and Kaoru blush to beet red.
Kenshin: (Turns Battousai) I just found my next target to practice Hiten Mitsurugi on. Thanks, Yahiko.
Audience groans for Yahiko.
Sano: I’m a wanderer from the Meiji era, what the hell am I doing here in 2003?
Kenshin: Hey Sano, want to see my new camera when this is over?
Juno: Hope you had a nice life, Yahiko. Speaking of which, “painful moments in slow motion.”
Kaoru pulls Sano in and starts throwing darts at him. Sano exaggerates the fear and pain, of course.
Yahiko pulls in Kenshin and bashes him with a wooden sword a la Kaoru
Juno: Okay, that’s enough. Let’s move on to one of my favorite games, called “Hats”.
What happens is that these guys are going to use this hats and act out the world’s worst dating service video. Whenever you’re ready take it away.
Yahiko: (in knight’s helmet) Care to see what’s under my hood?
Laughter
Kaoru: (artist’s cap) Let’s paint a beautiful fresco, you and I.
Kenshin: (Grim Reaperhood, as Emperor Palpatine) ..and now young busu….you will kiss me..
Yahiko: (Laurel crown) Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend your numbers!
Laughter
Sano: (Scottish cap & accent) I’ll make you a mean haggis if you’ll show me Nessie.
The Audience groans.
Kenshin: (His reverse-blade sword) I’ll show you some of my secrets of the Hiten Mitsurugi Style.
Audience Laughs.
Yahiko: (Napoleon’s hat and hand in his kimono). Want to know why they call me “The Little Conqueror?”
Kaoru: (Executioner’s mask) …Blindfold or Cigarette?
Sano: (Chef’s hat and bad Cajun accent, the hat barely fits all his hair) I guar-unn-tee! You’ve have a finger lickin’ good time with my crawdads! (The hat rips)
BZZT! *
Juno: All right 11 points go to everyone but Sano for that one.
Sano: You want a black eye, squirt?
Juno pulls out a camera and Sano shrinks back in fear
Juno: Now why did they call you Zanza, anyway?
Everyone laughs while Sano sulks.
Juno: Okay. We’ll be right back and find out who the winner is. Don’t go away!
Act 3:
Juno: Welcome back to “Whose Line”. Tonight’s winner is Kaoru Kamiya!
Kaoru waves from Juno’s seat.
Juno: She gets to relax while we all do the “Irish Drinking Song.” We all each sing a song, one line at a time, and Kaoru, what’s an incident you don’t normally sing about?
Kaoru: “I Got beaten up by the Battousai”.
Kenshin blushes again. Audience Laughs and cheers.
Juno: Sounds good. The “I Got beaten up by the Battousai” irish drinking song so musicians, whenever you’re ready.
The musicians begin playing
Sano: Hey kid, what happened to you?
Yahiko; I had a bad brush in earlier.
Kenshin: With who?
Yahiko: Well, let me tell you about it.
(The singing actually begins now)
Guys: Oooooooooh, ay-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy
Yahiko: I was on the streets last night
Juno: I wasn’t in a rush.
Kenshin: and then I bumped into this guy.
Sano: He turned my face into mush.
Yahiko: I tried to say “I’m sorry.”
Juno: But he didn’t listen.
Kenshin: He took out his nasty sword
Sano: and now my brains are missing
Guys: Oh, ay-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy
Yahiko: I never forgot his face
Juno: His hair was red like fire
Kenshin: he also had a wicked scar
Sano: He made me the new town crier
Yahiko: alas, I couldn’t fight back
Juno: He was insanely fast.
Kenshin: He smashed up half my limbs and bones
Sano ..and ..uhhhhhhh
Guys: Oh, ay-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy
Yahiko: I never wanted to see him again
Juno: But he chased after me
Kenshin: and when he caught up to me
Sano: He shattered both of my knees
Yahiko: then I asked him what his name was
Juno: and he said Battousai
Sano: You wanna know something scary?
Kenshin: (Battousai) Yahiko’s gonna die!
Guys: (Juno and Sano break down in laughter, Yahiko shuts up, leaving Kenshin to sing)
Oh, ay-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy
Oh, ay-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy….dee……dy……dee….dy!!!!
Juno: Poor Little Yahiko! Oh, we’ll be right back with more “Whose Line”. Don’t go anywhere.
Yahiko: Hey! Stop it with the Little thing!
Sano: Don’t look now squirt, but I think Kenshin’s serious..
Yahiko: ……………
Epilogue:
Juno: Well everyone, the show’s over. I’d love to thank Kenshin and his friends for dropping by. And as promised, we have a special treat:
(Two stage hands bring up a board with an unfortunate viewer tied to it while Juno hands Kaoru a bunch of throwing knives)
Juno: While Kaoru practices on this victim-er, volunteer, Yahiko, you’d better start running. See you later, everybody!
Yahiko runs like crazy while a wicked battousai chases him with the reverse-blade sword, and Kaoru begins to practice throwing knives at her “target.”
Sano: Glad it’s not me up there.
Kaoru: That’s what he gets for calling me ugly.
Jerk: Yipe! I’m sorry that I – OWWWW!!
Kaoru: (all innocent) Oh, did I hit you? I’m so sorry……… not!
Yahiko: SOMEONE HELP MEEEE!!!!!!!
Kenshin: (Battousai) The more you run, the more painful your punishment shall become!!
. The End?
I had no idea what I was doing when I started, but what to you guys think? Do you like it? If so, post up suggestions for who you want on the next show and what kind of gags you’d like to see them perform! I’ll check them out and go from there. Ja ne! |
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"So you say you're under a curse? Well, so what? So's the whole damn world." -Jigo the monk
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| Very nice job. It's exactly the way I remember it. I got my Whose Line up as well. You could send me a comment as well. I really hope I can get the first 8 up and go from here. If my story does well I might post Kingdom Hearts II:PM here. Well thanks for your help again. Whose Line lives on!! |
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As I said in key16's thread. I'm going to try and write a Zemitra Report for you on this.
To tell the truth though, I'm surprised you didn't just team up and put this all into one thread rather than two. |
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We wanted to but FF.N won't allow it.
Standard disclaimer: I own Nick, Juno, & no one else!!
Prologue:
Backstage, right after the first show.
Juno: Oh my god, that was hysterical. When can you guys do the show again?
Kenshin: As soon as Miss Kaoru calms down, I fear she’s still running around with daggers, that she is.
Sano: Don’t sweat it. The missy should be mellow by next week.
Yahiko: So what now?
Juno: I’m going to take some time off to recover a little.
Yahiko: But who’s going to be the host?
Juno: My master will take care of things for a while. And he already has a show organized.
Nick: Okay. Everything’s in place so off you go for a while. The show must go on.
Ravenf6’s Who’s Line Fic #2
Zidane (FF9), Totosai (Inuyasha) Sourjiro and Misao (RK)
Nick: Kuut Ajahehk, Ladies and Gentlemen and welcome once again to “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” On tonight’s show:
She’s crunchy in milk, Misao Makimachi! (Misao waves at the camera)
Goes great with a side of fries, Zidane Tribal! (Zidane eyes a cute girl in the crowd)
Wash it all down with a cup of Soujiro Seta! (Soujiro bows )
And.. boiled in his own stomach, Totosai the smithy! (half-asleep)
Nick: I’m your host, Nicodemus Blackwyvern. Let’s go down and get this party started.
(The audience applauds loudly)
Nick: (sits at the desk) Welcome to “Whose Line is it Anyway?” The show where we all laugh at random idiocy, and the points don’t matter. That’s right, the points are just like us giving mercy to the IRS. These four guests will make up gags off the top of their heads and get awarded fakey points. At the end of the show, we pick a winner who gets do something special with me…while the losers learn dating tips from Zidane.
Everyone laughs except a miffed Zidane.
Zidane: Watch it Blacky. Or else you’re gonna get your butt kicked.
Nick: It’s not my fault you can’t get a date.
Laughter increases
Totosai: Bunch of buzzards, those IRS people. They call my breath a deadly weapon.
Misao: You breathe fire for crying out loud!
Nick: Okay, we’ve got lots of show so let’s start with an all-time favorite: Questions only. This is for all four of you.
Misao and Soujiro go one end while Totosai and Zidane go the other.
Nick: This is a great game at a party, especially if there’s no music or booze. The actors can only speak in questions, if someone screws up, I buzz them out and someone takes their place. The scene is (pulls out a card) “Single’s night at a medieval castle.”
Misao and Totosai come first
Misao: Are those frogs’ eyes?
Totosai: Can you not tell I’m happy to see you?
Misao: Have you ever felt something hot, like a dragon’s breath before?
Audience: Ooh…
Totosai: …You can tell I brush with brimstone toothpaste??
Audience laughs
Misao: my god!- you’re that- p-dammit!
BZZT! Misao exits and Soujiro enters
Soujiro: Did you see that cute girl just now?
Totosai: ..Depends who’s asking?
Soujiro: . ..Did something happen to your eyes, mister?
Totosai: (angry) Why does everyone keep asking about my eyes?!?!
Soujiro: Do you now something I don’t?
Totosai:… I’m goin’. (Leaves)
BZZZ!
Audience laughs, Zidane comes in
Zidane: Have you tried the haggis?
Soujiro: … Are you the Black Knight?
Zidane:… What if I am?
Soujiro: Don’t you know you’re not wanted here?
Zidane: You wanna fight?
Soujiro: Don’t you know who you’re dealing with?
Zidane: A strange smiley boy who can’t get some?
Soujiro:… I’ll be back, knave!
BZZZZ! Miso comes back
Zidane: You want some of this? (Starts grooving)
Misao: Art thou coming on to me?
Zidane: Don’t you know it’s written on a scroll we’d meet tonight?
Misao: Aren’t you the chosen one who’s supposed to die?
Audience howls in laughter
Zidane: Is it because I’m the Black Knight, whom can get a date quick as lightning?
Misao: Could it also be you have the ugliest tail in the kingdom?
Audience laughs and camera focuses in Zidane’s tail
Zidane:
BZZT! Soujiro takes over
Soujiro: Are you all right, milady?
Misao: (blush) My, aren’t you the polite one?
Soujiro: Have you heard that the Black Knight is here?
Misao: (afraid) Really??
Soujiro: Shall we go to the tower and hide?
Misao: Is it better than- ah phooey!
BZZZT! Enter Totosai
Totosai: … have you ever seen a guy with a tail around here?
Soujiro: Have I?
Totosai: What’s with the smart mouth?
Soujiro: Is it the one that has teeth?
Totosai:…. You cut me deep (leaves)
BZZZT! You get the idea by now
Zidane: So, we meet again?
Soujiro: Are you ready to taste cold steel, fiend?
Zidane: Isn’t that the one chick who you just talked to?
Soujiro: ….no
BZZZZT!
Nick: That’s enough. So that’s 400 points to Zidane, Totosai, and Soujiro…. and 1000 to Misao for pointing out the tail
Audience laughs while Zidane grumbles.
Nick: Next up we have a game called Party Quirks. This is for all four of you. Misao, you’re going to be hosting a party. But your guests have strange personalities written on these cards (holds up a card) and you have to try to guess who they are.
Zidane looks at his card with an “Oh my god!” look
Totosai looks at his card and stifles a laugh
Soujiro looks at his card with an “oh dear…” look
Nick: They’ll come in as I ring them in (pushes doorbell) like so. Take it away.
Misao: (acts like she’s reading a cookbook) “marinate with 4 ½ cups of sake”. This is the last time I borrow a cookbook from Sanouske.
Nick and audience roar with laughter.
Dingdong!
Misao: Just a minute (opens a fake door) Hey! Welcome to the party!
Zidane comes in and the monitor for those at home says “The Marx Brothers”
Zidane: (As Groucho) Well, it’s a pleasure to be here. By the way, is that a roast or are you inventing a drunken chicken style of martial arts? (Audience laughs)
Misao:… Well, I’m only following the recipe.
Zidane (As Chico) Ah this is a marvelous bird you got-a here. Did you pinch it off Wolfgang Puck?
Audience laughs
Ding-dong!
Misao: If you touch that bird, you two are dead men. (opens the “door”) Welcome to the party!
Totosai comes in and message reads: “A nervous Captain Hook who thinks Soujiro is the ticking Crocodile.
Totosai: It’s good to be here. (Looks around) Very go be here. Do you have anything “Pan-fried?”
Misao: Why don’t you try the shish kabob?
Totosai: Don’t mind if I do! Mm! This is good! I never-never tasted anything so good before!
Zidane: (Tries to pick-pocket Misao)
Misao: Hey! Don’t get any ideas, you monkey pervert…. with two personalities!
Nick: You’re close, but that’s not it.
Zidane: (Groucho) I’ve never been so insulted in all my life. This is the craziest parody I’ve ever performed. (Chico) Ah, shut-a up, you stupid host who does nothing and let me work!
Ding-dong!
Misao: Whoever you are , try to keep the old pirate happy. (opens door) Hello there.
Soujiro enters with an evil face for the monitor reads “The evil Naraku, who
Thinks everyone stole his jewel shards”)
Soujiro: (vengefully) What’s so good about it? Wish you to die?
Misao: (Sweat drops) Umm did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?
Soujiro: Keep that up and you’ll find yourself a grave, Weasel.
Totosai: Ahhh! Tick-tock, tick-tock! I hear a clock! Does anyone else hears a clock?? (looks around nervously)
Soujiro: What do you know, old man?
Totosai: Get away from me, you reject from a suitcase factory!
Soujiro: You have something of mine, and I want it now!
Misao: Try the been dip; it’s to die for!
Soujiro: Ever known what it’s like to be devoured by thousands of demons at once?
Misao:…. I’m gonna get back to you.
Zidane: (Honk! Honk!) (Chico) Ooh! This is a good piece of jewelry you’ve got here miss
Soujiro: Give me that, or I’ll get you and your little dog-boy too!
Misao: Okay, Mr. Angry. Simmer down while I talk to this multiple personality-disordered thief
Nick: You’re close. Think of an old comedy team.
Misao: It is Laurel and Hardy?
Nick: No. “Monkey Business”, “Duck Soup” “A Night at the Opera”…
Misao: Oh! The Marx Brothers!
Nick: Yes! (Bzzt!)
Totosai runs around the studio with Soujiro in pursuit
Totosai: Go away! You already took me hand! Isn’t that enough?!?
Soujiro: Give me back what’s mine!
Misao: My god! What’s the problem? (Grabs Soujiro) Listen Mr. Evil, stop chasing my guests around!
Nick: Yeah, but which Mr. Evil?
Misao: … Saitou?
Audience laughs
Nick: No but if you fell down a well, you’d hate this guy very much.
Misao: Oh no! Not Naraku?!?
Nick: Yes, and he’s chasing everyone because he-
Misao: -Someone stole his jewel shards?
Nick: Got it all in one, Misao. (BZZZT!)
Soujiro sits back down
Totosai: Is he gone??
Misao: I think so.
Totosai: This makes “smee” wish I could fly, I could fly.
Misao: Oh take it easy you old Captain Hook you.
Nick: Close enough! (BZZZZT!) But it also said that he thinks Soujiro is the crocodile.
Audience applauds.
Nick: Okay, that’s 2000 thousand points to everyone, and a thousand more points to Misao for not getting upset at being called a Weasel. Don’t go anywhere ‘cause we’ll be right back with more “Whose Line is it Anyway?”
Act 2:
Nick: Welcome back to “Whose Line is it Anyway?” The reality show with any real meaning and/or reward to the audience. If you’re still asking for more, then fear not. All things will come to those who wait. Our next game will be Multiple personalities. This game is for Zidane, Misao, and Soujiro. What’ll happen is that these three are going to act out a situation, but they will have given props that associate them with a specific personality.
Nick produces an antique watch, a croquet mallet, and a walking cane. Zidane takes the mallet, Misao the cane, and Soujiro gets the watch.
Nick: The scene is. (Reads a card) “Three traveling explorers are passing through Wonderland, but are soon attacked by the Heartless.” Now here’s the fun part: whoever is holding the watch is Dave the Barbarian (Audience laughs while Soujiro blushes a deep red), whoever’s holding the cane is Ganondorf (Audience roars in laughter while Misao has a ‘what the hell?!” look on her face), and whoever’s holding the mallet is Cookie from ‘Atlantis’ (Zidane laughs at the idea). So whenever you’re ready…
Misao: (Ganondorf) Do any of you fools know where we’re going? This is the 4th time we’ve entered the Lotus forest!!
Soujiro: (Dave) AAH!! Don’t shout at me like that!
Zidane: (Cookie) This sure looks like the strangest place I’ve seen since Albuquerque.
Someone’s gonna have to watch for rattlesnakes.
Misao: (Ganondorf) I think we should go that way! (Swings the cane towards the back) The momraths are outgrabing!
Soujiro: (Dave) No, it’s dark and scary over there!
(Audience howls in laughter)
Misao: (Ganondorf) We’ll go where I say we’ll go, you pitiful worm!
Soujiro: (Dave) I still think we should go see the caterpillar, give me that cane; I can’t walk.
Misao and Soujiro switch props.
Zidane: (Cookie) Anyone up for some grub? I’ve got plenty to go around.
Misao: (Dave) NOO!!! Anything but your cooking, I’m allergic to any kind of pain and discomfort!
(Audience laughs)
Zidane: (Cookie) Here. Take this, might make ya feel braver.
Zidane and Misao switch.
Soujiro: (Ganondorf) Did any of you hear that??
Zidane: (Dave) Hear what???
Misao: (Cookie) Sounds like injuns! Somebody get the guns ready!
Zidane: (Dave) Bejabbers!! It’s a Jabberwocky!!!
(Audience cheers)
Soujiro: (Ganondorf) Worse: it’s the Heartless!!!
Zidane: (Dave) I say we run!
Misao: (Cookie) Saddle up partner. It’s time to take out the trash!!
Audience roars in laughter as all three of them act like they’re fighting. Zidane clutches his chest like he’s shot
Zidane: (Dave) Agh! They got me!
Misao: (Cookie) Dang blast it! I’ll teach those varmints not to mess with us!!
Soujiro: (Ganondorf) Damn are you’re worthless!
Soujiro hands the cane over and gets the watch.
Soujiro: (Dave) Is it serious??
Zidane: (Ganondorf) I’m dying, fools: Thanks for nothing, you spineless wimp.
Misao: (Cookie) Maybe I oughta hold on to that cane
Misao takes the cane.
Soujiro: (Dave) He’s dead
Misao: (Cookie/Ganondorf hybrid) Well don’t just stand there, you dang fool. Dig a grave before I send you to the Queen of Hearts to lose your head!! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!!
(Audience laughs at Misao’s voice hybrid.)
Nick hits the buzzer many times, ending the game. Zidane, Misao, and Soujiro return the props and sit down amidst thunderous applause)
Nick: That was great. 1,000 points to everybody, and 400 points more to Misao for the best Ganondorf impersonation I’ve ever seen. It was so real!
Totosai: Yeah, that made my skin crawl. I haven’t been that scared since Sesshomauru found out about the Tenseiga.
Misao: (angry) WHAT WAS THAT, OLD MAN!??
Zidane: You’re really cute when you get angry like that (purrs).
Misao punches Zidane in the face. The audience laughs as he falls over.
Nick: Make that a million points more to Misao for knocking down a co-star!
Zidane: Damn. She’s pretty strong! (Rubs the red area on his cheek)
Nick: And a 2 million-point bonus goes to Zidane for the best use of “bejabbers!” Somebody try to stop me; I’m givin’ points away like there’s no tomorrow!! Let’s move on to a game called ‘the Millionaire show’. This is for everybody. Now, Soujiro is going to be a guest on the millionaire game show with Totosai as the host, Zidane as the member of the audience, and Misao as the phone-a-friend. However, this isn’t a normal game show. (Turns to the audience) What I need now is a theme for the show…
Audience: Beverly Hillbillies! Outer space! WarCraft!
Nick: Now there’s a good one! Let’s do the WarCraft Millionaire show!
Totosai: Welcome to the show. I’m Halfas the tired we are two questions away from awarding our chosen one a million gold coins. But if anyone goes telling what they see to the Orcs, I’ll turn them into pigs and have them for dinner!
Audience laughs.
Totosai: Now then what is your name?
Soujiro: Yoric Skullchewer.
Totosai: You’re two questions away from winning that million gold coin prize. Art thou ready?
Soujiro: I fear nothing!
Totosai: Hark! Your 1st question. The best cure for scurvy is… A: blood from an orcish ax? B: troll spit? C: an enchanted orange? Or D: getting zapped by an ogre-magi’s rune spell?
Soujiro: Hmm. This is a tough question.
Totosai: Thou has two lifelines. You can either talk to an audience member or conjure a friend.
Soujiro: Methinks I shall call my friend in the audience, Jock the strap maker.
Audience laughs.
Soujiro: He’s very good at remedies. (Turns to audience) Jock! Are you there? ‘Tis I, Yoric.
Zidane: Hey, Yoric! What can I get for you today?
Soujiro: This wizard is giving me questions-
Zidane: I’ve got some boiled owl, some haste-in-a-bun, and a love potion-
Soujiro: -Can you keep your mind off girls for a second??!?
Audience laughs while Zidane gets a sour face.
Soujiro: Is it A, B, C, or D?
Zidane: After all the strings I pulled to get you out of the Stromgarde army, this is the thanks I get? I should have charged you for the 5-minute gout spell.
Soujiro: But if I get this right, I’m on the way to claim a fortune!
Zidane: its A. Leeches are always…. no, it’s C. Definitely the fruit!
Soujiro: Many thanks! (To Totosai) It’s C.
Totosai: C’s your final answer?
Soujiro: Yes.
Totosai: …Thou fool
Soujiro: No!
Totosai: thou impertinent, stupid- yeah that is the answer!
Soujiro: Truly??
Totosai: Yes!
Audience applauds
Totosai: Just one more and you’ll be very rich!
Soujiro: I can’t wait to buy my own kingdom!
Totosai: Your final question is…. The Ride of the Valkyries is… A: a magic spell? B: a famous musical piece? C: a fruity drink? Or D: what happens when paladins let their wives go to battle with them?
Soujiro: Oh zounds, I was never good this. I’m going to have to conjure a friend.
Totosai: Who do you want me to conjure?
Soujiro: My roommate Julie. She’s really smart.
Totosai: As you like it. Julie come hither!
Misao can be heard off stage
Misao: Hello??
Totosai: This is Halfas the tired. Your roommate is one question away from being a millionaire.
Misao: Ooh! How exciting!
Soujiro: Julie! I need help! Is it A, B, C, or D?
Misao: Hey wait a minute; you owe me 500 coins for breaking my statue of Lord Aoshi!
Everyone but Soujiro roars with laughter
Soujiro: I keep telling you, it was a goblin sapper! I tried to stop him, cut me some slack here.
Misao: Might help if I knew the question, you smiley oaf!
Soujiro: It’s the Ride of the Valkyries: you helped create that for God’s sake!
Misao: It’s a song! Music thingy!
Soujiro: I’ll bring Aoshi himself if that’s the right answer.
Misao: ^-^ I’m looking forward to it! Bye!!
Totosai: My word, she’s excited.
Soujiro: I’ll go with B.
Totosai: Are you sure?
Soujiro: Yea.
Totosai: By the gods…
Soujiro: ..
Totosai: Of all the crazy, pagan answers… thou art a millionaire!!
Nick: (hits the buzzer and everyone gets to their seats.) That was great. A thousand points to everyone but Soujiro for running a debt.
Soujiro: Hey!
Nick: But it’s funny Misao kept the gag going as far as she did. Our next game is called ‘Three-headed Broadway star’. This is for Zidane, Misao, and Soujiro. What they do is that they sing a song from a broadway musical, but they all sing it one word at a time as a strange 3-headed broadway star.
Zidane grabs a stool and sets it up while Misao and Soujiro get in position.
Nick: And as a special treat, instead of picking a member from the audience, we’ve got a special guest they’re going to sing to. Please welcome our guest tonight: he’s the former leader of the Oniwaban and can wield a kodachi like a master, the always stoic Aoshi Shinomori!
Aoshi comes out on stage amidst applause and many screaming fangirls.
Zidane: What do they see in him?
Totosai: He’s got class among a hundred things you don’t have
Zidane: Shut yer trap, old man!
Misao: Yay!!! Lord Aoshi!! (makes a bee line to Aoshi and bear-hugs him.)
Aoshi: (Sweat drops) Uh, Misao… I can’t breathe.
Misao: Oh, gomen nessai!
Aoshi sits down on the stool amidst the drooling of many fangirls.
Nick: Okay. Now we need the name song. Some one finish this line-
Random fangirl: “Ice Blue Eyes!!”
The audience applauds.
Aoshi: You’ve got to be kidding me.
Nick: …Okay. When you’re ready, let’s hear the hit broadway song, “Ice Blue Eyes.”
Soothing ballad music starts playing.
Zidane: You’ve..
Misao: Got..
Soujiro: Such ..
Zidane: Beautiful
Misao: blue
Soujiro: eyes…
Zidane: I …
Misao: think..
Soujiro: they’re
Zidane: repugnant…
The fan girls boo at Zidane.
Misao: When
Soujiro: I
Zidane: look
Misao: at
Soujiro: them
Zidane: I
Misao: melt
Soujiro: like
Zidane: butter
Audience laughs, Aoshi sweat drops.
Misao: people
Soujiro: don’t have—
Audience laughs
Zidane: such eyes
Misao: as
Soujiro: cool
Zidane: as
Misao: yours..
Soujiro: your
Zidane: eyes
Misao: can
Soujiro: scare
Zidane: away
Misao: lawyers!
More laughter.
Soujiro: I
Zidane: wish
Misao: that
Soujiro: I
Zidane: had
Soujiro: such
Zidane: great
Misao: eyes
Zidane: so
Misao: that
Soujiro: I
Zidane: Can
Misao stare
Soujiro: at
Zidane: youu..
More laughter.
Misao: Piercing!
Soujiro: Cold!
Zidane: Bloodshot!
Misao/Zidane/Soujiro harmonizing: Ice blue eyes
Music stops, audience applauds and Nick hits the buzzer:
Nick: That was both strange and very entertaining. 500 points go to everyone, minus 300 to Zidane for trying to destroy the song.
Zidane: That’s it; you and me, after the show!
Nick: Better bring some life insurance, punk. (To audience) Let’s hear it for our guest, Aoshi Shinomori. It was a pleasure having you on the show.
Aoshi: Don’t think much of it.
Misao:  Awww, you’re going already??
Aoshi: I have to. I just got word that the Kamiya woman is going berserk back in Tokyo and that the Battousai needs help with it.
Misao:  HIS NAME’S NOT ‘BATTOUSAI!” IT’S KENSHIN!!!!
Nick: Good luck Aoshi, and keep me posted.
Aoshi: As you wish. (Leaves)
Nick: Now sit tight folks; we’re going to pick our winner after a quick break. So stick around for more “Whose Line!”
1 quick break later…
Act3:
Nick: Welcome back to “Whose Line is it anyway?” Tonight’s winner is Soujiro Seta!
Soujiro settles into the host’s seat.
Nick: While Soujiro relaxes. All four of us are going to do a game called “Quick Change.” What happens is that Misao, Totosai, and I are going to act out a scene like normal. But when prompted by Zidane, the current speaker has to say something completely different than before the intervention. Now we need the name of a place with a sense of urgency.
Soujiro takes out a card.
Soujiro: “The captain and his lackeys on the deck on an English warship, moments before the battle against the Spanish Invincible Armada.”
Nick: How’s our stock of powder and shots?
Totosai: I was supposed to take inventory?
Misao: You moron! We’re going into battle and you’re sawing logs.
Zidane: Change.
Misao: I’m trying to cook dinner and here you are releasing the chickens!
Audience laughs.
Totosai: Those birds are getting tired of being cooped up so I let them out for some air.
Nick: Would you both calm down? The armada is close by.
Totosai: Yikes, we’d better pipe down.
Zidane: Change.
Totosai: Wow! We’d better fire a warning shot!
Misao: You’ve lost it for sure!
Nick: Quiet!….. Load the cannons.
Zidane: Change.
Nick: Quick, stuff all the gunpowder down my pants!
Misao: Are you crazy??
Zidane: Change.
Misao: Where do I start?
Totosai: Agh! Do you hear that?
Misao: You mean the sound of a cannonball whistling through the air?
Zidane: Change.
Misao: Isn’t that the pizza boy arriving?
Audience laughs
Nick: You fool. It’s the 16th century: Pizza hasn’t been introduced to England yet!
Zidane: Change
Nick: Did you order one with ham and pineapple? That’s my favorite.
Totosai: It’s the Spanish ships! They’re opening fire!
Zidane: Change.
Totosai: They’re throwing a party!
Misao: What did I do to get on a crew like this?
Zidane: Change.
Misao: (Stares daggers at Zidane) What will I do to the guy when I find him and hang him by his tail?
Soujiro hits the buzzer.
Nick: We’ll be right back with more “Whose Line.” Don’t go anywhere!
Epilogue
Nick and Zidane are on stage
Nick: Welcome back. Before we get to the credits, I’m expecting an important call
(A cell phone rings) Hello?…. Oh how did it go?….. Really?….. Alrighty. (Puts the phone away) That was Aoshi; the Kaoru Crisis has been averted!
Audience cheers.
Nick: Unfortunately, not as well as planned.
Zidane: (takes out his daggers) So you’re ready for a world of hurt?
Nick: (Takes out a claymore) If you folks are asking, about the credits, I’ll tell you: Zidane and I are going to shout insults and threats at each other while we’re fighting. See you next time!
Zidane: (charges) Every Arthur Forrest I’ve met, I’ve annihilated!
Nick: With a breath like Dan Patterson’s, I’m sure they’ve all suffocated!
Zidane: Take this!
They both disappear in a cloud of dust, weapons flying everywhere.
Nick: That tears it; I’ll show you my Mark Levison technique!!
Zidane: Wise guy! Don’t make me pull a Drew Carey on you!
Nick: Impressive, but can it beat my Wayne Brady?
Totosai: So what do you make of this?
Misao: I don’t want to get involved.
Soujiro: Me neither…(To the reader) if you’d like to see more craziness, please leave a review!
Misao: OR I’LL SMASH YOU LIKE A BUG!!!!!!!
Ravenf6: If there is a character you’d like to see from a favorite game or anime appear on the show, drop me a line in the review page and I’ll try to accommodate you in future chapters.
Misao: Will you do another show where Lord Aoshi and I will do a sketch?
Ravenf6: That is very foreseeable.
Misao hugs ravenf6
Ravenf6: (choking) Uh, Misao. While I appreciate your expression of joy, I like breathing very much.
Misao: Oops, sorry!/\_/\!
Ravenf6: Next time up, I’m hosting! Be there when more insanity erupts, plus I’m having a very special guest on the show. Please review! |
Last edited by ravenf6 : 06.04.04 at 21:19:45.
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Hi Raven it's me.
Good job putting up episode II. If you remeber mine was a bit longer so I cut it into two parts. I want to see what the viewers think. LEt me know what you think about the episode again. I am also working on a Whose Line special on Fan Fic for one final show. And if this is a hit. I will air new episodes (including the thenth show) in the summer. Type back to me for ideas. Talk to you latter. Bye!
Key 16 |
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But I've learned that deep down there's a light that never goes out.
-Sora of Kingdom Hearts
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It's been a while since I checked out things here so here's chapter three, which I will be hosting.
and before I forget, there's some material towards the end that may be confusing as it will correlate with Key 16's KHWL fic, things will be made clear when he updates it in the future.
I got a riddle for you: What do you get when you mix an ex-hitokiri, a half-demon, an expert pilot, a dark sorceress, and a mystery guest?
Only one way to find out.....
Standard disclaimer issues apply. Aside from Juno and Nick, I don’t own ANY of the characters (guests or parodies, etc.) on the show or “Whose Line” for that matter, or tonight’s special guest.
Ravenf6: En taro Adun Ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another edition of “Whose Line is it Anyway?” On tonight’s show:
He speaks softly and has wild red hair, Kenshin Himura! (Kenshin bows at the camera)
Has cat-ears and carries a really big sword, Inuyasha! (Inuyasha shakes his head)
Speaks frankly and carries a sharp stick, Cid Highwind! (Cid lights a cigarette)
And…
Speaks sinisterly and carries a magic stick, Maleficent | | | |
