A disturbing poem about a man horrifically infatuated in a woman he has only just met, between the lines is a sinister side to this love sick man, a man that may be stalking this girl, contemplating raping her.....truly a visionary commentary on the evil of sex offenders.
But as ever, poor rhyme shceme, incredibly basic and you seem to rhyme the same word with itself in places, eg, day and day....which is a bit sloppy.
God, that was a nightmare to read... Let me illustrate why...
As we met in class,
Your beauty could not pass.
You were in my thoughts throughout science class,
I wished this class could always last.
Say what now? The word CLASS comes up thrice... Not once, not twice... THRICE... For God sakes, its an eye full... I mean seriously, repitition is fineeeee, but that just really doesn't work...
You looked at me, then I knew we were meant to be.
Then and there I could see you, as you gazed at me.
My smile never drifted away,
It lasted until end of day.
So this guy has practically become Romeo has he? Its a known fact Romeo was only infatuated with Juliet's appearence, since he never really KNEW her, but this guy seems to be outdoing Romeo in the SHALLOW category xD Its like me saying, "I look at you, and now we are soul mates! MWAHAHAHAHA"
As I approached you,
I felt like I was starting anew.
You wiped away all my worries,
They drifted away like melting snow flurries
Melting snow flurries? 'nuff said xD
We became engaged in conversation,
I felt an unusual sensation.
Just to be around you was heart warming,
My life was in glory!
My bloody god, this is reference to being aroused isn't it? I felt an unusual sensation, glory? Ewww, i'm not going to TOUCH this...
We only met today,
But tomorrow is another day.
I want you to know I love you,
But I can't say.
More show of blatant infatuation... He now states he only MET today, and yet he's already "in love" with her... Sad stuff...
Your beautiful in every way,
For you I live another day.
And the top of the cream is another show that the attraction is merely physical...
I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but it really bugged me... I at least tried to say whay xD
I ditto Crowley's comment on the repetition on the word "class". It doesnt really sound so good mentioned three times in one Stanza. However, the rest of the poem is fairly decent, i dont rate poems though, so thats about it. x)
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