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| We must all be really bored. |
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The only thing needed for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.
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pretty much yeah dude, but its aight, lets start somethin up. lets ah do jokes. post jokes for a bit that should liven the place up.
This little boy and his grandfather are fishing. Granddad
pulls out a beer and the little boy says "Grandpa, can I
have one of those?" Grandpa says "Is your penis big enough
to touch your *******?" to which the little boy responds
"No." "Then you can't have one." A while later, the
granddad pulls out a cigar and the boy asks, "Can I have
on of those?""Is your penis big enough to
touch your *******?" to which the little boy responds "No." "Then you can't have one."
Later on, Grandpa and Grandson go to the grocery store for
food and each buy a lottery ticket. Grandpa is unlucky,
but the little boy says "I just won $50,000" Grandpa says,
"Great, your going to split that with me, right?" The
little boy asks, "Grandpa, is your penis long enough to
touch your *******?" "Yes," Says grandpa. "Then go f*ck
yourself" |
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My friend sent me this. I thought it was funny.
How to give a cat a pill
1) Pick cat up and cradle in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cats mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2)Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap,cradle cat in left arm, holdin rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of throat with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call partner from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedge firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws, ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden rular into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cats throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set aside for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get partner to lay on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink a beer to take taste away. Apply a band aid to partners forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbours shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with desert spoon and flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer, fetch a bottle of scotch, pour a shot and drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whisky
compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Call Fire Brigade to retrieve the #*/!ing cat from the tree across road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while steering to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13) Tie the little #$*/ards front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough
about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14) Consume remainder of scotch. Get partner to drive you to A&E. Sit quietly while your doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill fragments from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any Hamsters. |
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Sorry for the BP everyone, but I have made a decision. and am going to follow through with it right now.
As an elder of this clan and an elite member of Old school Forum members. I hearby banish Foxfire from the RDS forever, I'm sure Yoshi will follow my decision for we are old comrads. here is the direct message Foxfire if you are to thick to get the message by now
"You are now gone from this clan, reason being is on a need to know basis, and frankly all you need to know is that your outta here. I will let Yoshi know and dont bother askin him. So be gone post whoring wench!"
You are allowed one last post in this thread anymore then that and you will be breaking the rules and i will let a mod know and your ass will be grass. so make your last post a good one. Don't beleive me? just try me!! |
Last edited by Gadwinus : 06.23.02 at 13:13:44.
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Okay, I dunno if you are joking, but I guess I'll leave, if it makes you happy... Bye... |
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| Don't leave just yet, Foxfire. The scum just told me some really bad news, but I don't know if I can trust them. You can stay until I figure what's going on with Gadwinus. Chances are, you won't be leaving unless you want to on your own accord. |
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So says the panda!
 
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| what's so bad about gadwinus going into the big-leagues of the BDS? |
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| silence, you scum. I assume it was you who told him to ban foxfire before he left. if not, then that talk I will be having might not be such a pleasant one. And I would appreciate it if you didn't post here unless it is on an official capacity. We will not have piddle like you contaminating our topic. |
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