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Final Fantasy Republic Celebrity Deathmatch!
09.27.06, 14:46:58
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Post #1 (permalink) |
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F I N A L F A N T A S Y R E P U B L I C
CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH
Around three or four years ago, we used to sponsor tournaments where a member would narrate an entire match between two members of their choice. Examples can be found here.
Essentially, what I'm looking for is a storyline involving two narrators who are members, and two members slugging it out to the death. Feel free to include as many side members as you'd like, as well as old or new members. Be creative, be funny, and the person with the best story (chosen by myself xD) will win a prize of 500RPand +Rep.
Aside from the incentives, this should be really fun. Have at it, Deathmatch fans! 
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A E R O S O L
I AM BLACK, JEWISH, AND COMPLETELY WORTHLESS, I PROMISE
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Yume Hime vs. Aerosol w/ Manager: Meru
Through the many seasons, fiery blazing sun and frozen footpaths, overtime, one place had stood bigger than anywhere else. Final Fantasy Republic!. The drama, fuelling it to proceed to the next stage; celebrity deathmatch! The Venus Club saw the everlasting feud of Hime and Meru, and as the title says, aerosolistehsecks!
Prior The Deathmatch
“Oh my, that’s lovely.”, our republic warrior, Aerosol says. “Your juice is so warm and sticky, baby.” Little did the administrator of global intarnetz know, his imagination had taken him into a kingdom of sexual intercourse, but his woman was stood behind him, arms folded, rather confused. “What the hell are you doing, Aerosol? There’s two minutes before your fight with that English whore!”. It was true; spilt blobs from a nasty few days of being ‘in season’ where on the toilet seat, and were know flowing around the mouth of Aerosol, who finally came to his senses. “Argh! Yume Hime’s blood! How disgusting!”. However hypocritical the man was, it was time. “C’mon, let’s go!”
Backstage
The two of Meru and Aerosol made their way out of the toilets and into the corridor. Groaning noises!? Oh wherever where they coming from at this time? A computer? Yes. Sunshine was going at it, rapidly pumping his penis over fake Megan pictures! It wasn’t pretty. Moving on, the two encountered a small Australian, sat in a bin. It was Cesium! Aerosol was the first to make a remark. “What the hell are you doing in there?”, “FREEZE! STFU POLICE!” was the reply our hero got, who was dragged by Meru further onwards, only to be blinded by crazy flashes. In a full length mirror, ECCENTRICHOCOBO was taking pictures of herself. This time, it was Meru interested in questioning her. “What are doing, Kirstin?”. A look of disgust was first fired back from her royal highness. “I need to look perfect for some nerdy FF site! I like having spotty ****s cream their pants over me. It’s great, especially that Lennon Legend! I have him round my little finger!”.
Commentator 1: I know it’s not air time, but what the hell. Who gives a ****ing ****?
Commentator 2: Ugh. I think I’ve blown my load!
Commentator 1: You’ve fell into her trap too?
Commentator 2: No! Check it out!
The two had moved on furthermore, this time seeing Viskage The Troll! He was a real thug! He had put that hippie Newcastle hat on, and had managed to stick some pubes on his face. So manly! His tiny nipples also weren’t all that interesting either. But what the hell, he was too busy e-flirting with Asian whores to even notice that big bad wolf and his ***** walk by. And to the ring they head, only to be run into by a familiar face! S. Leonhart! “AEROSOL! Please please please please! I made a club! I try too hard! Please! Please! Don’t let FFR die!”, a vagina caused blood red mouth of Aerosol replies, “What the **** do you want? A username change as well? ****.” With that, Aerosol and Meru enter the grand stage, where Yume Hime is in the ring already awaiting. They run down and Aerosol slides into the ring!
The Fight
Commentator 1: Let’s gooooo!
Aerosol is quick to run at Yume Hime, who simply gets on her knees and pulls down the pants of the likely to be future Republic King! Nobody ever predicted a comical show! Aerosol and his tiny prize possession!
Commentator 2: I was expecting it to be big!
Commentator 1: Why’s that?
Commentator 2: Usually nigga dicks are hugggge! I mean, how did he pull all of those white whores from the damn picture thread?
Commentator 1: He’s a master of using Adobe!
Commentator 2: Ahhh! It’s all so clear to me now!
Yume Hime is quick to grapple the cherry-tomato like sack and yank it. Immediate erection. Meru is quick to run in and blow the man, whilst Hime is quick to blow the man over with a hard sweet shot to the nose! Splodge! Splurt! Baby Making Material! Meru flies through the air and out through the roof! Man, that man has been holding that back for some while! Hime, scared to pin the ugly bastard decides to leave the ring and go and get her trusty cart of toys! Out comes the chainsaw! Brum! Brum! The television dude writing this is now bored, and doesn’t want to continue pissing everyone off, and so Aerosol makes an uber cool pokemon like tackle out of nowhere and then chainsaws her breasts off! Holy ****! She’s quick to endure the pain, because they’re probably big bags of plastic ****. They’re now both standing, and so bang, Aerosol cuts off her head! It’s over!
WINNER: Aerosol
Commentator 1: Thanks for watching, I’m Jak.
Commentator 2: And I’m Darkness Seeker. We’re the best of friends!
Jak: Let’s go to my scouse house where I have 50 wheelie bins and have bumsex! |
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I did this on my own. I got bored after reading it and finding it to be pathetic, rather than funny, and didn't really want to write a 60,000 word novel. At least I entered though.
If anyone is seriously offended, feel free to PM me and I'll edit it out. Remember, I'm not serious with anything I say. |
Last edited by Sunshine : 10.02.06 at 13:37:42.
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| That's hilarious. Seriously. I actually open-mouth laughed at this. xD Thanks, Adam! =) |
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XD Oh my god  .
I was laughing in the middle of class reading this before. Nick, It's great, though, I must say, I hope none of that happens to me in real life. Of course there are some exceptions... 
Sadly, we are blocked from replying whilst using college property, so I had to wait for my computer to return. Sorry for lateness.
And I'm in tough decision here... Should I do a Nick/Jon or a Nick/Jay? |
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N'importe comment sombre la nuit, le matin toujours vient, et notre voyage recommence."
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Nick Stadig? You mean Nikolai, the Archodine? xD
Do Nick and Jonny, plz. Have me guest star as a conceited monkey prancing about with a ban stick, too. K, kewl. |
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| .... I started writing it last night. Although you're competing, you'll be pleasantly surprised. |
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If it's corny, I'm sorry.
I set this up in a play format- I hope you think it’s okay….
Commentator 1
Lennon Legend
Commentator 2
S. Leonhart
Replacement Commentator:
Words of Ivory
Referee
Abel
Sunshine as himself
Aerosol as himself
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
S. Leonhart: And welcome to FFR Sports center, here with my co- host, Lennon Legend! We are showing a live broadcast of Celebrity Death Matches Round Two! Aerosol, clearly happy for his victory last night, is actually- I can’t believe my eyes!
Lennon Legend: What a mang- he’s actually dancing to the field-
S. Leonhart: And from the north end, we have… SUNSHINE! Holding… a wooden sword?
Lennon Legend: **** this. I’m off for a beer.
*he leaves. Words enters.*
Words of Ivory: Can you believe it? A wooden sword, it’s most irrational, then again, he never did have brains-
S. Leonhart: Cold. Words, cold. Anyways, our commentator takes a beer break and will hopefully be back momentarily. Now, the two men are approaching each other, looking rather… devious, for lack of a better word. And the referee steps forward.
*A man in a lime green and orange clown suit walks in, a squeaking red nose to boot*
Abel:I want a nice, clean game, from both of you. Castration is strictly banned. On my mark… 3... 2... 1...
*he squeaks his nose*
S. Leonhart: And they’re off, Sunshine starting in some awkward ninja position. Interesting start, but Aerosol doesn’t look remotely abashed.
*Aerosol, who was wearing four rings on each finger, flips them as if they were pocket knives, eight straight blades now extricated from his enormous ling*
S. Leonhart: Sneaky, I must say. Sneaky. Aerosol approaches Sunshine… And he strikes… BUT SUNSHINE holds up his wooden sword and the knives sink into the sword. Keep in mind folks, that if this was a real sword he-
Words of Ivory I still think they’re both a bunch of idiots. What kind of person brings a wooden sword to a Death Match?
S. Leonhart: Moving on… *rolls eyes* Sunshine lets go of the Wooden sword, which is attached to all eight of Aerosol’s rings. And Aerosol is completely defenseless, he braced to the piece of wood. This is Sunshine’s chance to make a move and he… I’m not sure what’s going on here? Did he just-
Words of Ivory: I’d call that a *****slap. Pussy.
*Aerosol, who managed to extricate himself, gave one look at Sunshine and turned towards the commentator’s podium, taking a seeming grenade and pulling out the pin with his teetch. He throws it at Words of Ivory.*
S. Leonhart: DUCK FOR COVER! A GRENADE!
*he dives, Words taken aback. The grenade explodes, sending Words flying through the canvas of the tent, a sizzle hole marking his exit. In red smoke, above where Words had been sitting previously appeared the words: BANNED*
S. Leonhart: Phew! Aerosol uses his signature BAN GRENADE, a sinister weapon usually barred at these events. And the referee squeaks… his ugh…. His nose. The *****slapping comes to a halt!
*Sunshine and Aerosol look taken aback*
Abel: FOUL! There are no attacks at the commentators and no ban grenades allowed.
*Aerosol throws a grenade at the ref, his nose squeaking until his is successfully out the tent. The words “BANNED” from before glimmer Abel’s prior spot of the battle field*
S. Leonhart: AND THE CROWD GOES WILD! Never before in the history of this sport has there ever been two Ban grenades in one night! Aerosol is clearly the fan favourite!
*Lennon Legend appears back, eyes unfocused, a beer in his right hand. He sits at the commentator’s podium and falls asleep, snoring on the table*
S. Leonhart: Alas, my co-commentator returns and our match continues, Sunshine laying low, looking daggers. There is no referee now, so NO MORE RULES! This is when the match gets serious!
*Aerosol drops his trousers*
S. Leonhart: AND THE CROWD IS ON THEIR FEET! It appears that Aerosol has challenged Sunshine to the epic of our battle. It is popularly known as…
*Lennon Legend sits up automatically*
Lennon Legend: A BATTLE OF THE WANGS! Finally, this gets interesting.
S. Leonhart: SUNSHINE ACCEPTS THE CHALLENGE! Oh my, I don’t think I’ve ever seen something so…. ROBUST! It appears to be sniffing out its prey… Oh dear…
Lennon Legend: And the receiving end of ****slap. I bet Aerosol enjoyed that.
S. Leonhart: And down goes Aerosol. Sunshine is about to take the final hit…
Lennon Legend OVER MY DEAD BODY!
*he drops his trousers and joins the fray*
S.Leonhart: I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS, FOLKS! Not only does Lennon Legend’s **** sniff, but it’s got jaws… It swipes at Sunshine, totally castrating the man! Sunshine drops to his knees in complete disarray.
*Suddenly, Sunshine’s head falls forward. Aerosol, clenching the wooden sword that once belonged to Sunshine it splattered in blood, but clearly the winner*
S. Leonhart: AND WE HAVE A WINNER! Aerosol took all advantage, using Sunshine’s own sword against him.
*Lennon Legend zips his trousers*
Lennon Legend: And that’s all, folks. *he passes out, sleeping* |
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| I'm honored of being part of your work Meru even if the story is kind of weird. *S. Leonhart bows** |
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Quote:
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Quoth Moondoggie:
Bastards should just die. Nothing ever looks decent once you put it in your profile. And if it does, they **** it up somehow.
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I can't agree more with this quote...thanks Moondoggie...
Announcement
If I am posting in this thread it might be because:- The poster above doesn't know the meaning of punctuation.
- The poster above said something freaking hilarious.
- The poster above made a good post, a rarity though.
- I was bored as hell thus had nothing better to do.
- The poster above must change their font because it hurts my eyes.
- The thread must be memorable or by far the worst thread ever made.
- The poster above must be reminded that the EDIT OPTION does exists!!!
 - The poster impressed me. Not bad keep it up
"Even through the darkest days, this fire burns.... always...."
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