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I am offering a prize to anyone who can write a funny and witty Celebrity Death Match that includes two or more FFR members.
There will be 3 prizes:
1st Prize - 300RP
2nd Prize - 150RP
3rd Prize - 75RP
Entry Reward - 10RP
This is the criteria I'm looking for:
An amusing, fast paced, script style piece of writing where two (or more) members of FFR face one another in a death match, much like "Celebrity Death Match" on T.V. It can involve past or present members. You needn't be an experienced writer, I am not basing this on grammer or spelling. This is about comedy! Keep your choices of character in...well...character! Example:
Zelnaga throws the Smilies of doom at Dooze and slices his head off!
Get it?
The winner last time around was Sparta/Black September. Second place went to ChaoticSerenity/SuperSlacker and third place was shared between GamerGirl and ChocoboKnight.
Sparta's DeathMatch
ChaoticSerenity's DeathMatch
GamerGirls's DeathMatch
ChocoboKnight's DeathMatch
The set up:
On May 31st, all entries will need to be in. First off, three judges will decide the 5 finalists (so bribary is optional ;D *cough*not*cough*) and then the members will vote on who has the best deathmatch out of the 5 (Saves you guys a lot of reading ;D)
So, are you up for it? No experience needed, just "Make 'em laugh!" *Stickies* |
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Last edited by Mederu : 05.13.03 at 13:45:15.
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Crowley's Celebrity Death Match
Rei vs Jonny
[Show starts, and camera is pointed ringside at announcers]
Announcer One: Hello, people of the Final Fantasy Republic... Today we bring you a very special fight endorsed by Kilika 9 Footwear!
Announcer Two: That's right! These two competitors are none other than the leaders of the clan "Kilika 9"! Today we will see who the superior is, Jonny the Soulstone, or Rei the Dew Drop!
Announcer One: Indeed! But first, a message from our sponsers...
Kilika 9 Spokesperson: Have you ever felt that your shoes don't deliver enough impact on blows? Have you ever felt that your shoes don't give you a sexy enough image? Have you ever felt not sexy kicking people with your shoes? Well, fret no more! We have here [Takes out shoes] 100% Kilikian made shoes! They slice, they dice, and they are yours for 50000000000000RP only!
Announcer Two: Wow... What a bargain...
Announcer One: Ummmm yes... Indeed... Now let us get back to the fight! Ryuujin, take it away...
[Camera moves towards ring]
Ryuujin: I want a clean, fair fight... This means, Rei, no raping, molesting or any other form of sexual abuse! And Jonny, this means no abusing animals! Got it? Good...
Announcer One: Iiiiiiin The Red corner, looking like hell... Rei!
Announcer Two: And Iiiiiin the Blue corner, looking scrawny as hell... Jonny!
Female Crowd: Wooooooooo! Jonny! Jonny! Jonny!
Male Crowd: Woooooooooo! Jonny! Jonny! Jonny!
Announcer One: Wow, it looks like Jonny has quite the number of fans!
Jonny: [Smiles at crowd] Thank you, I love you all!
Rei: [Fierce growl and pounces on Jonny from behind] JONNY MINE! [Mouth starts foaming]
Jonny: [Screams like little girl] Please! No! I'll do anything for you...
Rei: [Foam disappears] Really? Anything? [Rubs hands with glee]
Jonny: Yes... Anything!
Rei: Kiss me!
Jonny: I will!
[The two kiss and the camera comes swinging back to announcers]
Announcer Two: Now that is just plain sick...
Announcer One: You got that right... I have seen many foul moves in my time but that is by far the dirtiest thing I have ever seen competitors do...
Announcer Two: [Hands goes up and points back to arena] Look!
[camera quickly swishes back towards arena]
Announcer One: Oh... My.. God! is that... the...
Announcer Two: Yes! I believe it is! It's the Celtic Tongue Remover!
Announcer One: But who is in charge of this attack?!
Rei: [Tries to disengage from kissing but tongues remain locked] Wha... What 'o do'in?
Jonny: [Growls and pulls Rei's tongue out, causing a massive blood leakage] Rawr! I am the leader of Kilika!
Rei: [Breaks down, collapses onto knees, and cries with her mouth covered] I... I thought you loved me... Waaaaaaaaah!
Jonny: [Shock] Oh, i'm sorry Rei... I didn't mean to do that! [Rushes over to her side] Are you okay? [Tries comforting Rei]
Rei: [Suddenly growls and brings fist into Jonny's groin] I'll never forgive you! Bring it on, biznitch! [Brings hands up and beckons Jonny to attack]
Jonny: [Kneels over in pain trying to supress tears]
Announcer Two: Hahahaha... I haven't seen the Bosnian Nutcracker used since 1992!
Rei: Come on tough guy!
Jonny: ... Fine! Your going to get it now! [Runs at Rei and smacks her]
Rei: Ow! You b***h! [Smacks back]
Jonny: Like, I am so not the b***h! [Smacks back]
Rei: Don't go there girlfriend! [Smacks back]
Announcer One: And we are going to commercial...
[Camera turns black and then goes on again in a different setting]
Ronald MacDonald The Red Afro'd Clown: We here, at MacDonalds, like to give you the best meat available... This is why all our meat is provided by Celebrity Deathmatch! Our burgers are made of only the finest celebrities, such as Pamela Anderson's disposed silicon boobies, and Tommy Lee's... Uh... Sensitive parts... So remember, next time you eat at Mc D, think of the fine quality we put into our food...
[Camera turns off, and the ring is back in focus]
Announcer Two: Well folks, it looks like this will be one boring b***h fight...
Announcer One: Yes, I think so too... WAIT! Who's that running towards the ring from the crowd?!
[Camera switches to a figure approaching the ring with a broadsword]
Announcer One: It's Simon Taylor!
Announcer Two: You can say that again!
Announcer One: It's Simon Taylor!
Announcer Two: Woooooooo!
[Simon leaps into ring and faces Rei and Jonny who are now both looking at him]
Simon: You two shall now die at the hands of the great Simon! Yes!
Rei & Jonny: I think not! [The two join hands and run at Simon trying to perform a double clothesline]
Simon: [Imitates their voices squeaky like] I think not! [Brings down broadsword on their arms leaving them one arm short]
Jonny: WAAAAAAAAAAAH! I WANT MY MOMMY!
Rei: WAAAAAAAAH!
Simon: [Clasps hands ove rears] You babies! BE QUIET!
Jonny: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Rei: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Simon: Nooooooo! Must... Not... Listen... Must... Not... Look! They are going to use their eyes!
Rei: [Doggy eyes Simon] Simon... Simon... Simon...
Jonny: [Doggy eyes Simon] Simon... I luv you...
Simon: [Drops broadsword] Really? [Shoves Rei over and walks over to Jonny] I... I never knew you had such strong feelings for me...
Jonny: [Evil laugh] I DON'T! RAWR! [Sinks teeth into Simon's manhood]
Simon: [Screams and passes out on arena floor]
Jonny: [Crawls over to Rei] Are you ok darling?
Rei: [Wipes eyes] Yes... [Looks at Jonny] Your my hero [Hugs]
Jonny: [Holds Rei] Your my only...
Announcer One: Oh bloody hell... They're getting mushy...
Announcer Two: I think we should... Dial...
Announcer One: Is that really nessicary?
Announcer Two: yes... It is... Look! Ryuujin fainted during the beginning of the Celtic Tongue Remover!
Announcer One: Ok... I'll call HIM... [Picks up phone and punches in numbers uncaptured by camera] Hello...
Voice: Yes?
Announcer One: Will, you, uh please, uh, lend your services too Celebrity Deathmatch?
Voice: Yes! [Sound of phone dropping and feet scuttering]
Announcer One: I hope to God he doesn't foul up...
[Suddenly, a hole tears open and a man comes flying through the top]
Announcer Two: Now that was quick... HE got here faster than I thought...
Announcer One: Nevermind that! Look! He forgot his parachute!
[Figures drops from roof and lands in between Rei and Jonny, splitting them apart]
?: [Laughter] I have come... To kill you both! Kweh kweh kweh!
Rei: ... Uh... Crowley? Is that you under that mask?
Crowley: Uh... No...
Jonny: I think it is... [Pulls face mask off]
Crowley: Nooooooo!
Rei: Hmmm... How are you going to kill our love?
Crowley: KAMIKAZE!
Jonny: My God Rei! he's got a bomb!
Crowley: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! yesh... yesh my precious.. we are going to blow this place up now real good...
Rei: Jonny... these may be our last moment together... I have to tell you something!
Crowley: Yes... We going to blow this place real good... [Searches self]
Jonny: I do too...
Crowley: Ummmm [Frantically searching self]
Rei: I love you Jonny!
Crowley: GOD DAMMIT! WHERE DID I PUT THAT BOMB?!
Jonny: I love you too Re---
Crowley: Ummmmm... Sorry.... One moment please... [Tries running out of ring]
Rei: He doesn't have a bomb! We might live after all!
Jonny: That means.. [Grabs Crowley by collar] You.. Are dead...
Crowley: [Gulps] I knew being the stupidest terroist most likely to blow himself up wasn't a good mix.
Announcer One: Gods! I knew he would mess up!
Annoucner Two: But look! Rei might be charging up to do the Molestation Rape!
Announcer One: And, with Ryuujin out cold... Who's going to stop her?!
Rei: Rawr! [Pounces on Crowley, and the picture dies out... Sounds of pain, however, continue to ring the crowd. After 10 minutes, the picture comes back on and Crowley is a heap of bloody flesh on the side]
Jonny: Wow...
Announcer One: That was...
Announcer Two: The most terrible thing...
Announcer One: I have ever seen...
Rei: [Smiles] Now Jonny, what were you saying?
Jonny: Uh... [Sweats] I forget?
Rei: [Spikes grow out of head and voice goes into bass] WHAT DO YOU MEAN "YOU FORGET"?!
Jonny: Oh no...
Rei: [Suddenly voice goes back to normal] Hahahaha I was just kidding! [Hugs Jonny tight]
Jonny: Phew... [Hugs back]
Announcer Two: Oh well... This fight is going nowhere... It looks like we'll have to...
Loud Voice: No! The fight will not be over!
Announcer One: Uh, who is this?
Loud Voice: Wait and see... [Deep laughter and suddenly a clown with a red afro comes parachuting through the hole Crowley created]
Announcer Two: I think Ronald has a vendetta against these two for not dying earlier!
Ronald: [Lands on arena ground with chainsaw] Mwahahahahaha! [Saws Rei up into little bits and pieces]
Jonny: [Stuttering] Uh, now that you have your meat can you uhh please leave?
Ronald: [Clown eyes turn red and he saws up Jonny]
Announcer One: WOW! What an event people! Ronald MacDonald just massacred Jonny and Rei! This makes him the Kilika 9 Leader!
Ryuujin: [Wakes up] I declare Ronald the winner!
Ronald: [Puts hand over Ryuujin's head] Wait... [Brings both hands over to his chin and starts pulling up mask]
Announcer Two: Holy Shinto! It's the third leader of Kilika 9!
Announcer One: KAAAAAAAZUKI!
Kazuki: That is right... While you all thought I was going to work at MacDonalds, little did you know I AM RONALD HIMSELF!
Announcer Two: Wow... I never would have guessed...
Announcer One: Nor would I...
Kazuki: Now! I am the King of Kilika 9! BOW DOWN TO ME!
Accouncer Two: Oh boy...
Announcer One: Well, what more can we say?
Announcers: Good Fight, Good Night!
[Show ends and cameras die] |
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100% Creamy Goodness
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xD Good example right here folks.
*gives Damien his 10RP entry reward* |
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Katsumi's Deathmatch
05.18.03, 04:18:10
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Post #4 (permalink) |
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Esthar 8 VS Ragnarok
~Show starts with camera on announcers in booth~
Announcer 1: Ladies and Gentle welcome to FFRepublic where we bring you the fight of the week between two very powerful guilds payed for by Kilika9 footwear
Announcer 2: Yes, we have Esther 8 going up against the fearful Ragnarok..and umm we need better sponsers, because I bought a pair of shoes from Kilika9 footwear and I got blisters, they're pieces of crap
Announcer 1: Yes we know..but back to the match..Ragnarok has the advantage of 2 more members and the fact they're a combat guild; where as Esthar 8 is composed of some of the more calm, peaceful members.
Announcer 2: So chances are people, if you bet on Esthar 8 you lost money
~Camera turns as Ragnarok enters~
Announcer 2: Ahh there they are; Ragnarok is composed of Kuja Sephiroth, Kaoru Nagisa, Gouka, Shoko-San, Xenor, Task, SilentSequence, PiCo, and steven
~Camera turns as Esthar 8 enters~
Anouncer 1: And there is Esthar 8, with its smaller team made up of Temiko, Nojiko, Eternal Dawn, Enyce, Holy Storm, HeartoftheTiger, Katsumi, and Mase Mandrin
~Camera turns as both clans enter the special ring~
Announce 3: Todays match will be held in a specialized ring thats been made larger and equiped with timed objects, and each ring buffer has been equipped with a red light, when this light goes off they will do something bad.
~Camera goes back to ring~
Killiacon: I want a nice clean fight, or else *shakes fist* READY.......FIGHT *jumps out of ring*
Gouka: *hands his team mates a weapon*
Katsumi: *glares at Gouka* Put them back now!!
Gouka: Sorry honey *takes back the weapons are throws them out of the ring*
Announcer 1: What the hell, no fighting just Katsumi threatening Gouka *throws rocks at the fighters* DO SOMETHING
Kuja Sephiroth: ATTACK *jumps into the air matrix style and kicks Enyce in the face leaving a big dent*
Kaoru Nagisa: Please don't hurt me *whimpers and slaps Temiko*
Temiko: *blinks and kicks Kaoru Nagisa in the crotch*
Female Crowd: Heart..your so cute!!!
Task: *walks into ropes and launches self at E8 members*
Holy Storm: *pulls out a pair of Richard Simmon's underwear and catches Task's face in them* how much stupider can you get
Task: OHHH GODD NO...HELP ME PLEASE!!!!
SilentSequence: *runs over and rips off HeartoftheTiger's arm and starts beating Holy Storm with it*
Katsumi: Ehhhh.....*whistles and slowly leans against the buffer trying not to be noticed*
Kaoru Nagisa: *gets up and grabs Nojiko* Gouka now
Gouka: Right *pulls out a gun and shoots Nojiko to death*
Temiko: You freaking ***** *grabs Kaoru Nagisa's arms* Dawn NOW
Eternal Dawn: ok yeah whatever *grabs Kaoru Nagisa's legs as they break his spine and use him to tie Xenor, steven and PiCo to the a buffer*
Gouka: OH GOD why...meh..I really don't care *shoots Mase Madrin in the leg*
Mase Madrin: You SOB *hobbles over and bites Gouka in the shin*
Enyce: *gets up and tackles Kuja Sephiroth*
Shoko-San: Holy sh#t *starts doing River Dance on Mase Madrin*
Gouka: OWW *hobbles over to Katsumi* I'm sorry honey
Katsumi: *starts kissing Gouka* Shut up
Announcer 2: Ummm...ok...Someone explain to me why those to are making out in the fight
!Buzzer goes off and the Red Lights flash!
Katsumi + Gouka: *rolls out of the ring and under it*
Kuja Sephiroth: I never you liked me that way *grabs Enyce by the head and throws him into the buffer*
!the buffers start to spray Liquid Nitorgen covering Xenor, steven and PiCo along with Enyce!
Announcer 3: Wow they're the only other things hard besides Gouka
Muffled Voice: YESSS HARDER!!! YESSS OHH YESSS
~Camera goes to announcers~
Announcer 1: What the hell was that...ohh well so far Ragnarok still has Kuja Sephiroth, Shoko-san, SilentSequence, Task, and Gouka who is missing somewhere
Announcer 2: and Esthar 8 still has Temiko, Eternal Dawn, Holy Storm, HeartoftheTiger who is missing an arm, Mase Madrin who is being used as a stage, and Katsumi who is also missing
~Back to fight~
Shoko-san: DIE!!!! *keeps dancing*
!Another buzzer as a spike rips into Mase Madrin and through Shoko-san's leg!
Shoko-san: H MY GOD...MY LEG *trips and falls onto spike*
Kuja Sephiroth: Hmm time to use my secret weapon *runs over to HeartoftheTiger, bends him over and "spears" him* Now you all understand why I had so much control of Kaoru Nagisa...I was naughty and made him my slave
Temiko: Thats just wrong *pulls out a dagger and removes Kuja Sephiroth's man hood*
Kuja Sephiroth: Nooooooo not like this *grabs a rope and ties HeartoftheTiger to Temiko then uses them as a mace*
Another Muffled Voice: Ughhh Take it!!...UGH!!
First voice: YESSSSSSSSSSSS
Eternal Dawn: What the HELL is that *picks up Gouka's gun and shoots Kuja Sephiroth*
Kuja Sephiroth: NOOOOOO *starts spraying Acid all over the ring an on Temiko and HeartoftheTiger* My gears* explodes taking the other two with him*
Announcer 3: Wow him and Gouka have both exploded during this fight
Task: For the love of god...We know they're having sex, would you shut up *walks over to SilentSequence* before we die..I just want to tell you I love you
SilentSequence: I love you to *starts having nasty sex with Task*
Eternal Dawn: God thats just wrong
Holy Storm: Yeah I so many ways
Task + SilentSequence: *fuse together to make SilentTask*
Everyone: *blinks* woh
SilentTask: *in a deep demonic voice* Whahahaha *becomes 20 feet tall and eats Holy Storm* Taste like chicken
Eternal Dawn:...........sh#t
SilentTask: Mmm seconds *eats Eternal Dawn*
Announcer 1: Well it looks like Ragnarok won...WAIT..is that yes it is
Katsumi: What did I miss...*pulls out cattle tazer* your all alone..Gouka is sleeping.
SilentTask: mmm desert
High annoying voice: Ohh my god are those my undies...and look at that big monster
Announcer 1: Ohh f&ck its Richard Simmons
Richard Simmons: Come on everyone like a pony..like a pony *starts doing jumping jacks*
Katsumi: *stares and blinks then looks to SilentTask*
SilentTask: Yeah I'll kill him *smashes Richard Simmons and turns to Katsumi* Now for dessert
Katsumi: no..sorry *shocks SilentTask with the tazer but it does nothing* damnit
SilentTask: Goodbye *goes to eat Katsumi then Gouka, himself and Katsumi disappear*
Announcer 3: What the hell.
Announcer 2: They're gone
Announcer 1: look is that ....yes it is..its Afterlab
Afterlab: *waves* Umm sorry everyone I was updating FFRepublic and accidently deleted all the members
Evil Voice: NOT ALL OF THEM
Afterlab: Yes I did see *deletes the Evil Voice* OHH NO server crash
[The whole area disappears with everyone except announcer 1]
Announcer 1: Well I guess that means umm I win
{as credits roll by}Next time on FFRepublic we have GamerGirl Verse Afterlab in a match called "Damnit you piece of crap you deleted the forum" Stay tuned to this channel for Same Old crap featuring Martha Stewart and Hitler's ghost {Show ends}[/i] |
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I have seen happiness, and have held love, but they ran from me, just as all life runs from its body, hapiness and love ran from my heart, as the tears ran down my face the one came to me, she helped me come to myself, to find who I was, and then love returned bringing hapiness with it, and the tears stopped running down my face, then I noticed, I was finally at peace Yes before you ask....I am Lesbian
The Second Female Grand Summoner
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| xDDD Hee! Oh how I love this competition. *donates 10RP to Katsumi* |
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| lol its great to see this back. i'd love to enter but i used just about every idea i could think of last time lol. if something comes to me i'll enter it. |
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random banter here
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OH YEAH WINNER RIGHT HERE.
Ill post mine tommorow |
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