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Welcome to my World
08.30.02, 23:34:32
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Post #1 (permalink) |
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Here we go...
4 years ago, when I was in grade seven, me and my friend, let's call him '2', started to do weed, to become part of the new fad of potsmoking that's recently been going on. About halfway into the summer of Grade 7-8, someone laced 2's pot with rat poisining, chemicals of some sort, alot of ****...he smoked it. He died.
I think that started a chain reaction of events that caused my downfall. I have had a phobia of pot since then...and I've started to literally DITESTE people who did it...because it scared the hell out of me. I've turned my back on long time friends because they did it.
In grade 8, I started doing really bad in school...I missed '2', he was like one of my best friends... In March of 1999, my uncle died of brain cancer. This, yet again, tore me apart, we were very close. I sank deeper, and deeper, and deeper.
In grade 9, I fell in love for the first time. The girl knew it, and toyed with my head. Then she took my heart and beat it around like a blind mexican kid with a huge stick, smaking around a sack of potatoes. This REALLY killed me, and my parents started sending me to a shrink. I came incredibly depressed...my heart was broken a few more times in grade 9 I think...
Then we come to good ol 2002. One of the worst years yet.
First, I break up one of the girls I loved the most in my life....it was one of the most painful things I've ever done, and it made me weary of the opposite sex for some time, and suicidle thoughts began cycling through my head. Let's call her '3'.
Then, I met '4' (yet another female...), and went out with her for like two weeks, but I fell in love with her (It might seem that I fall inlove with alot of girls, but only about 4...im just scartching the surface of my life), and she said she loved me, and said alot of things...then, one night, i Was really depressed and called her. She dumped me because I was depressed for one night. She herself was mentally unstable...her dad died earlier that year, and she's been havin alot of probs...'depressed people brought her down', she would say. She said she couldn't handle a boyfriend at the moment, and I was okay with that. The real pain was when, 3 days later, she goes out with one of the ugliest human beings I've ever seen with my own two eyes. I was DUMPED for a fugly son of a *****!  Now, I may be pessimestic, but I know I'm not ugly...I'm good lookin enuf to get a girl when I want one, and and be satisfied with her.
Now, I think 3 was unfaithful to me...a friend of mine, a close one, died...my parents are becoming total dicks....my brother is pissing the hell out of me...a good friend of mine is falling to the influence of hard drugs, like acid, coke, heroin, and my life is being turned upside down.
I've been channeling my anger at people I care about, and loosing friends because of that...I've been keeping a journal thing, so I've trying to be channeling my anger through that...
Right now, I'm confused as ****. I'm really hurt inside...and it sucks, you know?
I'm not expecting anything...I just wrote this post cuz I really needed to get this off my chest.
PS==> If you have something not nice to say, go **** yourself. I dont wanna hear your bull****, so keep it to yourself |
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THE GOOD DOCTOR SAVES
08.30.02, 23:59:33
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Post #2 (permalink) |
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First and foremost, let me say this. Weed blows.. It's an over rated plant that is supposed to make you happy. I don't know about you, but I sure as hell don't need a ****ty plant to brighten my day. I feel very sorry about your friend, but hopefully you saw the message that drugs have the possiblity of ruining your life. Make sure you don't follow the path that your friends have chosen. You still have a chance to turn stuff around.
Alright, let me put this in a nutshell.
Girls are crazy. They really are.. I know how you feel over the whole dumping issue, and how it feels to be rejected.
The kind of **** women do with their ****ty and fickle emotions has disgusted me to a point where I don't even plan to bother trying to date until my later college years. In teenage years, girls are probaly the most emotionally unstable thing on earth. Most rarely act with reason or logic. It's all ****ty impulsive crap. In my opion, it's not even worth putting up with their constant roller coasters of emotion to feel the sensation of love. I'm hoping by the early to mid twentys that girls might have matured a bit.
Always keep your eyes open for good women though, they are few and far apart. I've come to a point that the physical attractiveness of a woman isn't nearly as important as being able to sit down and enjoy a good conversation and fun time on a daily basis. I'm not very keen on the type of person who soley uses looks to get women, and sees women for there looks only.. but I will certainly make commentary.
What you possibly experianced is more commonly known as a rebound relationship. It's when a teenage girl gets dumped.. then desires to fill the void of lonliness with ANYTHING she can find.. The more attractive the better. These relationships usually don't last for very long, but are emotional. Then the girl realizes you aren't the right guy, then searches for what she wants. Again, I could be wrong but it is a very real possiblity from what you described.
The journal idea is a great way to express anger, if it works for you. My advice is to try to keep focus in school and wait it out..
Teenage years blow. Keep on trucking, life is bound to rebound at some point. Don't let the drugs bring you down. |
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*sigh* EE, I hate to say it...but you're wrong. Well, probably not about most girls. But me...I've found love and I'd like to keep it, if at all possible. I love him with all my heart...even though I don't act like it sometimes. I realized recently when I almost lost him that I'd been being selfish and stupid and making a big deal of petty things...and I'm trying to work on that now. Unfortunately, most young people don't realize all that ****. I'm glad I did.
Dale...you really do need to learn to treat your friends better. Friends will stick by you, but you can't treat them like **** all the time. It's hard to put up with someone's **** when you have more than enough **** of your own to deal with. If you continue to push people away, you'll end up alone...and there will be no one to blame but yourself. I know what it's like, I've done it to people.
You really are an awesome person to talk to, and I miss you. But your moodiness...holy god. You need to learn to control yourself. When people are just trying to help you, don't stomp all over them.
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wtf
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Okay, your going through this for a reason, don't ask me why? I just know. I am taking anti-depressants but I pretty much know what your going through, it's okay to get depressed once in a while but when it becomes a problem you have to deal with it so you can get better. I haven't gone through the exact things your going through but my problems are as bad or worst than yours most are so I do know where your coming from. I have suicidal thoughts too, but I don't act on them. Because of my depression I started cutting, but I haven't done it for a long while.
Your going through this because this is gonna make WHO you are in the future. Your goning to know how to handle things better, you'll have compaion, you'll be able to joke about some of it, and people are gonna want to be around you for all the right reasons.
Though, I think you really need think things through, and choose who your TRUE friends are, because when you do you'll know who you can rely on, who's goning to lend a helping hand, some one you can tust and lean on. With your parents, you need to communicate with them, trust me, your parents can be your best friends, my mom is. You need to talk with them, if you have to call a family meeting.
But trust me when I say that everything is gonna get better, it'll take awhile no doubt but it's gonna get better. If you EVER, ever need someone to talk to, you can talk to me okay, don't be afraid okay Dalius. |
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| damn lifes **** for me as well, maybe not that bad, but it ain't goin very good....... |
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| Damn.Your life does suck.No offense. |
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| Life goes on. Losing family members and friends is tough, losing weed not so much. Just try not to be obsessive and over analytical when it comes to women. You'll beat your brains in trying to figure them out. |
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my life is going fine. can't really say nothing bad abt it right now.  *living the good life* |
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..I might only be 14, and not having done pot or gone serious with a girl...but heres what I think....
Girls confuse the **** outta me...and always will...to ANY guy...Thats the way it goes....
Drugs are a terrible thing...Doing them is for one thing bad...for another, doing them to be 'cool' is dumb...
Depression seems to be a thing that will haunt you the rest of your life...Dealing with it, and keeping happy thoughts in your head is the only way to deal with it, besides medicine....
As for suicide...I cant tell you much on this....But, its your life..and if you wish to end it...thats your decision, but before you do, stick a needle in your arm, or jump off a bridge....Just think, when Im gone, who will it affect...It wont affect you, it will only affect the people around you...Your future wife? Your future son/daughter??
THis comes down to one word...:Think...
And thats all I wish to say for now...
Be good Dale.. |
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i'm back
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