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If it's corny, I'm sorry.
I set this up in a play format- I hope you think it’s okay….
Commentator 1
Lennon Legend
Commentator 2
S. Leonhart
Replacement Commentator:
Words of Ivory
Referee
Abel
Sunshine as himself
Aerosol as himself
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S. Leonhart: And welcome to FFR Sports center, here with my co- host, Lennon Legend! We are showing a live broadcast of Celebrity Death Matches Round Two! Aerosol, clearly happy for his victory last night, is actually- I can’t believe my eyes!
Lennon Legend: What a mang- he’s actually dancing to the field-
S. Leonhart: And from the north end, we have… SUNSHINE! Holding… a wooden sword?
Lennon Legend: **** this. I’m off for a beer.
*he leaves. Words enters.*
Words of Ivory: Can you believe it? A wooden sword, it’s most irrational, then again, he never did have brains-
S. Leonhart: Cold. Words, cold. Anyways, our commentator takes a beer break and will hopefully be back momentarily. Now, the two men are approaching each other, looking rather… devious, for lack of a better word. And the referee steps forward.
*A man in a lime green and orange clown suit walks in, a squeaking red nose to boot*
Abel:I want a nice, clean game, from both of you. Castration is strictly banned. On my mark… 3... 2... 1...
*he squeaks his nose*
S. Leonhart: And they’re off, Sunshine starting in some awkward ninja position. Interesting start, but Aerosol doesn’t look remotely abashed.
*Aerosol, who was wearing four rings on each finger, flips them as if they were pocket knives, eight straight blades now extricated from his enormous ling*
S. Leonhart: Sneaky, I must say. Sneaky. Aerosol approaches Sunshine… And he strikes… BUT SUNSHINE holds up his wooden sword and the knives sink into the sword. Keep in mind folks, that if this was a real sword he-
Words of Ivory I still think they’re both a bunch of idiots. What kind of person brings a wooden sword to a Death Match?
S. Leonhart: Moving on… *rolls eyes* Sunshine lets go of the Wooden sword, which is attached to all eight of Aerosol’s rings. And Aerosol is completely defenseless, he braced to the piece of wood. This is Sunshine’s chance to make a move and he… I’m not sure what’s going on here? Did he just-
Words of Ivory: I’d call that a *****slap. Pussy.
*Aerosol, who managed to extricate himself, gave one look at Sunshine and turned towards the commentator’s podium, taking a seeming grenade and pulling out the pin with his teetch. He throws it at Words of Ivory.*
S. Leonhart: DUCK FOR COVER! A GRENADE!
*he dives, Words taken aback. The grenade explodes, sending Words flying through the canvas of the tent, a sizzle hole marking his exit. In red smoke, above where Words had been sitting previously appeared the words: BANNED*
S. Leonhart: Phew! Aerosol uses his signature BAN GRENADE, a sinister weapon usually barred at these events. And the referee squeaks… his ugh…. His nose. The *****slapping comes to a halt!
*Sunshine and Aerosol look taken aback*
Abel: FOUL! There are no attacks at the commentators and no ban grenades allowed.
*Aerosol throws a grenade at the ref, his nose squeaking until his is successfully out the tent. The words “BANNED” from before glimmer Abel’s prior spot of the battle field*
S. Leonhart: AND THE CROWD GOES WILD! Never before in the history of this sport has there ever been two Ban grenades in one night! Aerosol is clearly the fan favourite!
*Lennon Legend appears back, eyes unfocused, a beer in his right hand. He sits at the commentator’s podium and falls asleep, snoring on the table*
S. Leonhart: Alas, my co-commentator returns and our match continues, Sunshine laying low, looking daggers. There is no referee now, so NO MORE RULES! This is when the match gets serious!
*Aerosol drops his trousers*
S. Leonhart: AND THE CROWD IS ON THEIR FEET! It appears that Aerosol has challenged Sunshine to the epic of our battle. It is popularly known as…
*Lennon Legend sits up automatically*
Lennon Legend: A BATTLE OF THE WANGS! Finally, this gets interesting.
S. Leonhart: SUNSHINE ACCEPTS THE CHALLENGE! Oh my, I don’t think I’ve ever seen something so…. ROBUST! It appears to be sniffing out its prey… Oh dear…
Lennon Legend: And the receiving end of ****slap. I bet Aerosol enjoyed that.
S. Leonhart: And down goes Aerosol. Sunshine is about to take the final hit…
Lennon Legend OVER MY DEAD BODY!
*he drops his trousers and joins the fray*
S.Leonhart: I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS, FOLKS! Not only does Lennon Legend’s **** sniff, but it’s got jaws… It swipes at Sunshine, totally castrating the man! Sunshine drops to his knees in complete disarray.
*Suddenly, Sunshine’s head falls forward. Aerosol, clenching the wooden sword that once belonged to Sunshine it splattered in blood, but clearly the winner*
S. Leonhart: AND WE HAVE A WINNER! Aerosol took all advantage, using Sunshine’s own sword against him.
*Lennon Legend zips his trousers*
Lennon Legend: And that’s all, folks. *he passes out, sleeping* |
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