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Meh. This one hurts. I hate it when I write poetry out of emotions pulled from recent experiences. And this is one of em. They are sorta kewl to look back on but painfully reminiscent of depression. *sigh* Here ya go. Just copied and pasted from me Live Journal.
Sonnet of Phyxius
Oh, tremble me, tremble me
Quiver my bones and rattle my flesh
For I lie not in this body
But above it, below it
Around myself
Not a viewer of pleasure
But forced to gaze upon my failures
Bound down so I might see my path
A life scarred with self-hatred
And rightfully so
Only so I can weep tears endless
As I relive my death
Alone, grabbing at the air
Mumbling to the invisible
My only friend is not myself
For myself be my enemy as well
I’ll die young
I’ll die sad
I’ll die one
While others may grip their loved ones closely
Once they pass and sorrow may destroy them
I will decay and vanish
Leaving only a twisted corpse to mark my end
Ah, but twas not a life of loneliness
Twas a life of love
A love that danced before my eyes
And once I summoned courage to hold it
It faded, not gone, but behind closed doors
Doors leading to others I cared for
Jealousy ripped me
My single light did not die
No, she left
Left my tears to veil the ground
Left my lungs to despise air
Left me cursing the sun
And as soon as I became numb
As soon as my selfish absorption shifted
Into emotionless counting of the days
She came back
Only to haunt my dreams
I blink
She lives
I drift
She lives
I moan
She whispers
Oh, I shalt die
Never kissed
Never held
Never noticed
Never loved
Damn those who hate relationships that fail
For at least you held it in your palm
I spit upon those who sob for lovers lost
At least they once embraced you in warmth
I cringe when I see those who betray the love they have
For they obtain the most precious gift
Wrapped in ribbons of appraisal, of velvet joy
For once, they became a trophy, a center, an idol
For once, they had someone who made moves based on their primary actions
For once, they were a purpose
Ah, but curse their souls
For my opportunity lost
My mask left in the gutter
My beast exposed
For a mask burns a man
It leaves him an echo of what others thought he was
A layer of himself, a different person
Confusion fills that man, for which him is real and which him is gone
Black shrouds to hide my smile
Deep red to shade my eyes
And my words dampened
I press against a window pane that pushes me
Away from the essence of living
The only sustenance in a world where pain is routine
The only diversion from reality
Love
Access Denied
Unworthy of this gift
Made to wail
Made to rot
Made for torment
Welcome to my hell |
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